r/AskReddit Apr 06 '22

[Serious] What's the worst relationship advice you've ever heard? Serious Replies Only

2.0k Upvotes

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u/milkbreadsimp Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22 Silver

To test how much they’d fight for me with petty remarks and ultimatums. Kind of like “you didn’t say you missed me” or “if you don’t come by today then I’ll have to move on.” I did not listen to them, and I’m glad I didn’t.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

How to give red flags

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u/Deniz51201 Apr 07 '22

What does "red flag" mean ? (im not an american)

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u/Axelrad77 Apr 07 '22

It's a warning to avoid someone. Like a "danger" sign that someone would be a bad partner to date.

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u/MoobyTheGoldenSock Apr 07 '22 Silver

The red flag started as a military signal to warn of potential danger, such as a training exercise where actual bullets are being fired. To the average person, it means, “danger, keep away.”

In popular speech, it is a metaphor for “the first sign of a potentially dangerous situation.” With relationships, it is considered an early sign that the relationship will be toxic or possibly even abusive.

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u/ballrus_walsack Apr 07 '22

Probably multiple sources but a red flag on beaches near me means closed/dangerous conditions.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

those people who purposely antagonize their partners to try to get a reaction and then play victim when they get exactly what they asked for

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u/_Don-Corleone_ Apr 07 '22

I left her after 7 years for pulling this shite....

She said I was too stale expression wise , which I am in general but dude.

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u/coqroq Apr 07 '22

Pushing your buttons all day long, it doesn't stop until you snap. That's the whole point of the exercise. The second you give in and show anger, she'll be calling her mom & dad, your sister and your neighbors to tell them all about it. It's Narcissistic triangulation.

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u/berserkerrage Apr 07 '22

Fuck this shit. I'm getting out of a 3 year on and off again relationship where she did exactly this.....there was not a damn thing I could do right.

Just would say some vile shit like I have NPD and was delusional and just couldn't handle rejection. Would literally use the most vulnerable and personal shit I told her against me. Like, quite literally. My therapist was wrong about me not having NPD, but she must know and I'm just lying to my therapist. Seriously, just over the top stuff that would piss anyone with even two brain cells off eventually.

Inevitably, I'd blow up after so long as anyone would in that situation. She'd give me the silent treatment or dump me for a week or so. I'd go find friends and family to lean on and talk about what happened, which inevitably led to her being outed and disliked. She then turned it around and said I was the one triangulating. I'm like no I'm allowed to have a support system that isn't you when I'm upset and offended with your constant criticism. I've had her blocked for a couple weeks now and its been really nice though. No more eggshells, no more allegations of shit that I never did, no more having to be forced to take responsibility of everything that ever went wrong with our relationship without her acknowledging her actions. Such a relief and would never go through that again if I can help it.

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

Good for you. Those remarks sound manipulative. 😬

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u/J_David_Settle_1973 Apr 07 '22 Helpful

"Love means never having to say you're sorry." ... That's the dumbest, 1970s, movie tag-line shit I've ever heard.

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

I don't know if I got the meaning right. What does that line mean?

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u/J_David_Settle_1973 Apr 07 '22

It's the key pitch line and wisdom in the 1970s movie "Love Story", a biiig deal at the time, Oscars and shit. I think the 'meaning' is cut and dried, they intend it as the truth. But I hear it and think, "Love means *constantly* having to say you're sorry." Maybe they meant the words don't need to be spoken, there's instant forgiveness (Maybe you got to see the movie. It's surely Google-able, the influence.). But it still makes no sense to me, you could flip it just as easy, as selfish.

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u/Coconut-bird Apr 07 '22

I actually my take it to mean, don’t do the thing you have to apologize for in the first place. This isn’t little things like forgetting to turn on the alarm clock, but big things like cheating or hurting someone. My ex was always cheating, then apologizing, like that somehow made it okay. If he had really loved me, he wouldn’t have done it, and the sorry would never have been needed.

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u/AltairsBlade Apr 07 '22

John Lennon famously quipped “Love means having to say your sorry every 15 minutes.”

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u/noahisadumbass_ Apr 07 '22

Those people who "test the loyalty" by hiring attractive people to flirt with them via instagram. People have suggested it directly. please dont. its all sorts of wrong

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

that was a big thing on tiktok, but it always weirded me out. they always messaged the person saying “i trust my partner but i just want to see” like obviously you don’t if you’re doing this.

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u/SmartAlec105 Apr 07 '22

I mean, I can understand wanting to see it. I think most people would get a little happy boost from seeing their partner casually turn down someone else as if that someone else isn’t even an option they’d consider. But that doesn’t justify setting up that situation.

It kind of reminds me of how most people that do martial arts have a part of them that wants to have a reason to use it but that part is tiny compared to the normal part of them that doesn’t want to be in a situation where they need to use it.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

yeah i get it but it just seems off. if i found out my bf tried to set me up, i would feel shitty even when i know i wouldn’t have done anything. it’s just like, damn, so you don’t trust me and had to go behind my back to try test me? but i mean, on the bright side a lot of the people who got tested ended up being cheaters so.

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u/bigginsbigly Apr 07 '22

If an attractive woman suddenly started talking to me I’d definitely know something was off

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u/AnonyMouse-Box Apr 07 '22 Silver

If an attractive woman started talking to me I'd assume it was a bot and ignore them, assuming I even noticed them

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u/Yummy_Hershey Apr 07 '22

Damn, that's relatable.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22 Wholesome

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u/Outrageous_Profit_13 Apr 07 '22

Sounds like he watched too much porn

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u/re_Claire Apr 07 '22

Sounds like he should be on a fucking register

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u/SignificantView1671 Apr 07 '22

Or perhaps beaten with one.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Jesus

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u/theoneandonlypeter Apr 07 '22

"You came in that thing? You're braver than I thought."

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u/Tea_lover-tutu Apr 07 '22

Did you report him? He can get fired for saying that

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u/Deshik2 Apr 07 '22

It was his company, he was his own boss, but I did know his mom.

Anyway, he was always nice and polite when it mattered. Just his women and relationship advices were like this. I always zoned it out as just another dude talk. Never seen him being vulgar in the open or to anyone. He was very professional in his bsns and gave me good work experience.

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u/pgg1610 Apr 07 '22

Have a child, it’ll make your problems go away and you can understand each other better. Lulz.

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u/Ratzink Apr 07 '22

After it can become "stay together for the kids".

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u/keepithealthyx Apr 07 '22

What child doesn't enjoy watching their parents' loveless marriage fall apart as they grow up?

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u/WhyDoYouCrySmeagol Apr 07 '22

Oh my god I hate that one. Don’t bring an innocent child into your mess

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u/k1ll3rGorilla Apr 07 '22

Treat em mean, keep em keen

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u/AZBreezy Apr 07 '22

Jesus that is grim

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u/AmIbiGuy_420 Apr 07 '22

"Just because it rhymes, doesn't mean it fits the times"

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u/ForkShirtUp Apr 06 '22

Have a baby with them

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u/Gone_Back Apr 07 '22

My ex wife consistently tried to pressure me into having a child towards the end of our marriage. Not sure if she thought it would save the marriage or to cover infidelity but I flat out refused. It was mainly because we were nowhere near ready financially and I also saw how rocky the marriage had been. One of the best decisions of my life.

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u/ThighHighsDoll Apr 07 '22

Much respect to you.

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u/Blue_Eyes_Nerd_Bitch Apr 07 '22

Right?

Got problems? Unhappy with life? Have kids... So you can take out your frustrations on them

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u/Senyuri Apr 07 '22

As someone who never knew their father and mother who was a crazy woman...I can verify this is taken to heart by some people.

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u/Prof_Aim Apr 07 '22

I've heard best advice about having baby that goes:

"HEAL YOURSELF BEFORE HAVING CHILDREN SO YOUR CHILDREN DON'T HAVE TO HEAL FROM HAVING YOU AS A PARENT"

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

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u/ThighHighsDoll Apr 07 '22

I've seen more than a few examples, of women who will get pregnant on purpose, with the sole intent of keeping their man with them.

Sorry ladies, if your man doesn't care enough for you, he won't stay. Period.

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u/LittlestSlipper55 Apr 07 '22

A friend of a friend admitted this at a party. Never met this lady before, but my god did my judgement of her skyrocket in that moment, and not in postive way.

We were talking about our partners and doing the usual girl gossip, when this woman starting talking about how her fiance opened up about his cold feet. She admitted to us in that moment she stopped taking her birth control pill so she cpuld fall pregnant so he would stay.

Most of us fell very quiet and it got awkward, but what was even more sad and infuriating a couple of the girls were like "woo you go girl!".

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u/Walteryuen99 Apr 07 '22

"Get married first. You can take your time to get to know them after that."

WHAT THE FUCK.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

That’s my mother. She followed her own advice and her relationship with my dad is sad. Yet she says This to everyone

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u/stitchgrimly Apr 07 '22

Is marriage her only avenue to self esteem? That sounds like a social disorder of some kind.

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u/Willing_Head_4566 Apr 07 '22

I don't know why, but I suspect that the people who give this kind of advice are also against divorce.

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u/guiporto32 Apr 07 '22

I guess the mentality behind that is: you have to be married to someone, whoever that is, because that’s “the right thing to do”. Pretty pathetic really.

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u/fakemoose Apr 07 '22

I'm so happy my parents' advice was to get married or not, we don't care. And if you do, be married for at least a few years before you have kids.

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u/cornygiraffe Apr 07 '22

"Marriage is meant to be holy, not happy". This was genuine advice from my (at the time) MIL while my marriage was actively failing and my then - husband manipulating and gas lighting me. And I believed it at the time. Fuck that, don't structure your relationships around arbitrary external standards.

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u/Black-Thirteen Apr 07 '22 Silver

Holy being used as the opposite of happy says a lot about your MIL's beliefs right there.

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u/Rina_Bambina Apr 07 '22 Silver All-Seeing Upvote

“You can fix him.”

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Why would you even want to? You could be with someone who’s actually a desirable partner in the first place

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

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u/BigEckk Apr 07 '22

This needs more upvotes. You can't fix them is the same as they can't fix you and shouldn't be expected to.

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u/Axyraandas Apr 07 '22

Another part to this is that being in a relationship won't automatically make you happy. That's an expectation that can develop from pop media. Pretty toxic.

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

YES!! Learned this the hard way 😂

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u/-Fire-Opal- Apr 07 '22

If he hurts you or bullys you its because he likes you… no its because he is an ass

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u/MettatonNeo1 Apr 07 '22

I HATE this advice. It ruined my school life.

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u/-Fire-Opal- Apr 07 '22

My mom always told me that if someone likes you they will respect you

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u/CaptainNapal545 Apr 07 '22

True.

If they bully and harassment you it means they're an ass.

If they like you then more likely they'll be extra nice to you and use any excuse they can to spend time with you.

Like one time when I was at school, a girl I liked dropped her things so naturally I stopped and helped her pick them up, then I insisted on carrying them to her class just as an excuse to spend 5 minutes walking with her.

Sadly she didn't like me back but, that's the sorta things someone does when they like you, not tease, bully and harrass you. Kids need to be told this, If you like someone, be extra nice to them and if someone is extra nice to you and is always trying to hang around you, they probably like you.

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

Lol. This reminds me of cliche stories I've read on the internet as an early teen. 😂

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u/Teddy1072 Apr 07 '22

i was looking for this. this mentality teaches people to accept bullying, and it makes them believe that its a good thing. people really need to stop saying this

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u/BuffOne1124 Apr 07 '22

Always be the one who wears the pants

Horrible, horrible advice I got from my mom. She was super upset when I told her that we're a team and that both of us wear the pants.

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u/Toasterinthetub22 Apr 07 '22

I prefer it when neither of us are wearing pants ;)

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u/Sach2020 Apr 07 '22

I’m here for this

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u/CuriosityCore725 Apr 07 '22

We're like a comedy duo, wearing one giant pair of pants and working together to get from place to place. He's in one leg and I'm in the other.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Why do so many people treat relationships as a power struggle? I get the impression it’s pretty normalised

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u/mizukata Apr 07 '22

because those people have no idea what real "power" is. being in charge is much more exausting and entails far more responsibility than people imagine. and to those people is not us against a partner but rather us against a common problem

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u/Pales_the_fish_nerd Apr 07 '22

My ex and I would banter over really small disagreements like an old couple and that was something I enjoyed, but any real power struggle is a hell no. Any actual problems were discussed with acknowledgement of wrongdoing and empathy

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u/SuchLovelyLilacs Apr 07 '22

LMAO - my in-laws are somehow convinced that I (the wife) am the one who "wears the pants" in the family. The whole notion is ridiculous to me, as I feel my husband and I are 100% a team. We're both "wearing the pants", as it should be in a relationship. It isn't a power struggle. I think my ILs are just loathe to accept the fact that my husband has no desire to be close with them or spend time with them (a subject for a whole other post!) and are looking for someone to blame and that someone is me... SMH.

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u/ancientflowers Apr 07 '22

Stay together for the kids.

It's not in the kid's best interest when the relationship is abusive.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

I wish my parents divorced BEFORE I moved out. Like, well before.

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u/dandandamuffinman Apr 07 '22

As an adult whose parents are getting a long-overdue divorce, I feel this.

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u/DisturbedNocturne Apr 07 '22

I always like to point out that kids are far more observant than their parents likely give them credit for. My parents did the whole, "Oh, were totally not fighting!" thing, but it was so obvious. Kids pick up on when their parents are barely talking, no longer are affectionate, start doing things separately, etc.

Any parent that thinks they're hiding it from their kids is just fooling themselves. And, honestly, as someone who experienced both, I always felt like the charade made things more stressful. Having your parents shouting at each other at each other at least gives you some guage as to how serious things are, while the silent treatment, constant death glares, and being distant leaves it up to your imagination.

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u/MrChilliBean Apr 07 '22

My parents divorced long after I thought they would, to the point that I thought they'd worked out their problems. For a few years they were really bitter, would always fight, disagreed about everything, and I was constantly thinking "soon they'll split up. Any week now it's gonna happen". But as time went on they were getting along more, going out doing things together, didn't argue anywhere near as often as they used to.

Then out of the blue mum announced she was splitting up with dad. In hindsight they were probably trying one last time to see if they could make it work and they couldn't, but it really caught me off guard at the time. Thankfully they still talk to each other and get along, so I think it honestly worked out for the best. While it hurt at the time, it's better to break it off rather than be stuck in an unhappy marriage for the rest of your life slowly despising each other more and more.

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u/TinusTussengas Apr 07 '22

My hatred for Christmas comes (at least in part) from the time my parents pretended to be in a real relationship with each other and we had to pretend along. Don't live distant from each other and expect us to play family for the holiday season.

fuck that

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u/I_want_to_choose Apr 07 '22

I wish people would stop doing this.

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u/atomicrutabaga Apr 07 '22

“Having a baby will make a man stay.”

No the hell it won’t. I’m childfree anyway, but seriously, why would someone in their right mind intentionally get pregnant to make someone stay? Unfortunately it happens too often.

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u/WhatIf1230 Apr 07 '22

My sister-in-law unfortunately is one of those women that intentionally got pregnant

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u/Johnnywannabe Apr 07 '22

The whole idea of “the one.” Nothing kills more relationships than this notion of whether or not they’ve found “the one.” Have an argument? You start being paranoid they aren’t “the one.” Have a small personality clash? Start being paranoid they aren’t “the one.” Have different dreams or goals? Wonder if they are “the one.” Have different hobbies? Wonder if they are “the one.” I’ve seen so many relationships crumble because people are so damn quick to chalk up their partner as the “wrong one” as opposed to trying to work through problems like an adult.

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u/greygreenblue Apr 07 '22

“The grass is greenest where you water it.”

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u/dishonourableaccount Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

I'm going to be even more frank. You don't have to really like someone to start dating them.

I put off dating in high school because I figured "high school relationships don't last" and didn't want to waste my time. I put off dating in college since I was genuinely happy single until I noticed my friends dating in senior year and got jealous. And after that I was picky, turning down the few dates I had because they weren't quite my physical ideal, didn't have as good a job or education as me, didn't mesh perfectly personality wise, lived more than a 30 minute drive away, etc.

You know where that got me? Without any meaningful relationship experience as a late 20's dude.

Perfect is the enemy of good. Nothing wrong with trying to get a relationship going even if you're not super into them, so long as you're polite and frank.

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u/mineral_water_69 Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

"If you both love each other, it'll be okay in the end." No it won't. Love is not enough. And love can come and go. You have to put in a real mental and emotional effort. You need to make sacrifices. You need to choose to be there for that person even if you are mad at them or worse do not really feel the love for them at the moment. Nothing feels more amazing than to love and to be loved, but a longterm relationship needs more than that. It's why I believe team work and actual commitment is crucial, because the honeymoon phase will end. Doesn't mean there wonn't be any love, on the contrary, but it takes hard work and a real commitment from both. At least this is my opinion.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

I’ve always understood that love is important but friendship is more important in a marriage.

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u/Singingpineapples Apr 07 '22

My husband is my best friend in the world. We've been together for 8 years now and I can't imagine my life without him.

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u/DaveJME Apr 07 '22

Trust.

Trust rates VERY high for me.

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u/liveryowl Apr 07 '22

Give to me by a grown man in earnest Just the high points: women have a small hair that’s actually a nerve on the top of your vaginas. If you go down on them and bite it off. Later, add that one hair/nerve to a soup and you will get hella horny from the soup. You will be able to have sex like a stallion.

-16yr old me knew this guy didn’t know what he was talking about.

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u/Pentacostal-Haircut Apr 07 '22

WTF??!! A hair??

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u/liveryowl Apr 07 '22

Yeah! And even in a universe where this is true; Who’s going to have sex with you after you bit someone nerve hair just to be in the mood the next time.

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u/Pentacostal-Haircut Apr 07 '22

IKR?! And do you have to regrow the hair or is it a one and done?

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u/menides Apr 07 '22 Wholesome

Also, can it be just any soup?

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u/LetsGetThisBread421 Apr 07 '22

Asking the real questions here

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u/video_2 Apr 07 '22

also biting an exposed nerve would be the most excruciating pain you could ever put someone through

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u/Hippobu2 Apr 07 '22

I love how that start off kinda like "Oh, I mean, that's not true but I can see where the misunderstanding arise from" to "wait, what the fuck" with just a period.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22 Helpful Wholesome

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u/yttikmood Apr 07 '22

"Follow your heart" While having the feeling of love is important, it can be confused with infatuation. If you have family or friends that tell you the relation is bad or isn't going to work, take that into consideration. Try to take a step back and look at the situation. On a happier note, best advice I've gotten is "Love is a choice" The feeling will come and go. If you really want to have a long term relationship, you'll have to chose to love when things are hard.

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u/Ambadastor Apr 07 '22

I do like "love is a choice". I don't think I've ever heard that before. The closest I had heard before was "love is a verb" meaning you have to do something, not just say it.

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u/saviorofworms Apr 07 '22

My wife and I always tell each other when one is having a hard time, that we signed up to give it 100 percent when the other can’t. We also try hard to communicate that just because one of us is feeling bad emotions doesn’t mean that the other person caused it and we apologize if we feel we have put those emotions on the other unfairly.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Hearts are dumb. They feel, they don't reason. We have a brain and heart, use both

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u/Bdr1983 Apr 07 '22

On the other hand, don't always follow family advice about relationships. My wife's family told her to break up with me because I'm no good for her. Motivated by me being not religious and them being very Christian. In the end what happened is that my wife left the church (her own decision, I always supported her going to church, just didn't go with her) and this year we'll be married for 10 years, together for 17.

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u/alottacolada Apr 07 '22

Me, married and with the same person for 15 years, telling my sister to be straightforward with a guy who is interested in her. Her single friend telling her “no fuck that, play mind games”. Me: 👀 in my head “bitch, that’s why you’re single”.

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u/LTAD2108 Apr 07 '22

You should have said it out loud

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u/SuvenPan Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

"If they are acting jealous(for no good reason), it's only shows that they love you."

If your SO is getting jealous because you had coffee with your colleague that's not love.These sorts of behaviors can become extreme and lead to abuse.

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u/dishonourableaccount Apr 07 '22

Jealousy is not the opposite of apathy.

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

I agree! "Jealousy" is not really a sign of love.

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u/guitarmaniac004 Apr 07 '22

Pretty much anything from /r/relationship_advice

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u/Narcoid Apr 07 '22

I remember from a post somewhat recently.

"If you trust someone enough to have sex with them you can trust them with to leave then in your apartment alone". After 3 dates lmao.

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u/HighwayFroggery Apr 07 '22 This

I feel like reversing that would be good advice. If you don’t trust someone enough to be in your apartment alone, don’t have sex with them.

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u/PunchBeard Apr 07 '22

r/AmITheAsshole has a lot of relationship advice and all if it wrong. It's like it's written by aliens trying to pass as humans after only watching non-premium cable tv channels for 3 months.

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u/MrCool427 Apr 07 '22

Don't go to bed Angry. My wife would talk things out until 3 am just so we wouldn't go to bed angry. It ended up not good because we just kept misunderstanding each other due to be so tired. She finally gets it is ok to go to bed angry and discuss the next day when we have had time to sleep on it/ not be so angry in the moment. Saved me hours of sleep in the long term.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Lol that's meant to be metaphorical advice. Don't sleep on, or ignore, the problem. And handle it soon, so it doesn't fester.

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u/privatemidnight Apr 07 '22

Stop taking the pill and get pregnant on purpose. Then he must marry you.

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u/kabre Apr 07 '22

"It's supposed to be easy! If it's ever hard, you're doing it wrong."

This was a twitter thread going around a while ago. Granted, it should be much more good than bad, but if your expectation is that a relationship will never be hard, the first bump in the road is going to lead to a panic-bail.

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u/Isogash Apr 07 '22

No relationship is going to be perfect but if your partner is working with you then things will be easy, but if they are fighting you every step of the way then it'll be hard.

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u/Drew- Apr 06 '22 edited Apr 06 '22

I'd say half the time reddit suggests breaking up.

"Wife and I had an arguement, what should I do?"

Break up!!

Uh. No? Married people or any couple will always fight at some point, and people want advice on how to handle it, and break up is usually not the right advice.

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u/River-Dreams Apr 07 '22

Mostly agree, but holy cow, some of the abusive/dysfunctional things going on in people's relationships.

Reddit's made me think many times, "Is this for real?? Why oh why are they spending their life with someone like that?"

The narrator may be unreliable and giving a distorted view. Maybe they're even doing that unknowingly sometimes. But if what they're saying is an accurate representation, it's stunning (and heartbreaking) what some people put up with. People can become acclimated to such terrible things.

That reminds me...The worst relationship advice I've ever heard was someone's family members telling them to be with an abusive partner because "probably no one else will want you." That advice can ruin a life and create situations like those above. :(

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u/Youre_late_for_tea Apr 07 '22

me...The worst relationship advice I've ever heard was someone's family members telling them to be with an abusive partner because "probably no one else will want you."

Seriously?!? Fuck whoever told you that. I wish them an eternity of beige clothes and boiled chicken!

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u/cowski_NX Apr 07 '22

an eternity of beige clothes and boiled chicken!

Welcome to heck; worse than heaven, not as bad as hell.

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u/River-Dreams Apr 07 '22

Oh, it wasn't said to me! Thank you though, :) and I love your curse on them.

It was advice a much-loved relative of mine got from their immediate family many years ago. :( They'd been dealing with serious depression for a few years at that point. Their family was ignorant about mental illness. They figured nobody would want someone with that condition. It was fucked up. I'm so thankful the culture has improved tremendously on mental health issues (still much more room for improvement though).

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u/Queasy_Salary_7958 Apr 07 '22

But also there a bunch of stories like "my boyfriend killed his cat last night for no reason. should i be worried? is this a red flag?" like it's so fucking obvious what you should do and most of the time stories that are being highlighted are the crazy ones, thats why you see a lot of "break up" advices.

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u/fluffy-mop Apr 07 '22

But that’s also cos half the posts on AITA go along the lines of “Help, I cried when my partner beat my puppy to death and he says it’s manipulative. Am I the asshole? Btw I had a baby 2 hours ago and pay all the bills and do all the chores and am right now painstakingly cooking the 2 hour long beef stew he needs to eat everyday otherwise his mother calls me about how awful I am to starve her baby boy and he won’t give me my $1 daily allowance.”

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

Yeah, and it all depends on the situation. Most of the time, what happens are fights and misunderstandings that can be fixed through conversation. We also have to understand that people who give those "Break up already!" advice don't know the entire situation, so it's best not to take their advice seriously.

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

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u/dramboxf Apr 06 '22

The radio in my car has bluetooth and pairing a phone with it is a giant PITA. So 99% of the time, we use my phone for the music. When a male friend found out that I just handed my phone to my wife, and that she knew my unlock code to get in he was floored.

He literally could not wrap his head around the idea that my wife of 22 years could just pick up my phone at any time and get into it.

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u/MysteRHydra Apr 07 '22

Hubby and I know each other’s codes. There’s nothing to hide. Sometimes you gotta use someone else’s device. I don’t know how anyone can live with the stress of always hiding your phone from your SO.

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u/fakemoose Apr 07 '22

I don't know why anyone would marry someone who cares either. We have face ID set to both faces. What if someone is driving and you need something off the phone? It's never bothered me because there's a 0% chance my partner is going to go through my phone messages.

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u/CheesyGarlicPasta Apr 07 '22

It’s a fine line, you should be able to trust your SO with access to your phone and they should trust you to not abuse that access and go through it. My SO knows my phone passwords do he can read me and respond for texts for me or change music while my hands are otherwise occupied.

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u/Odd-Astronaut-92 Apr 07 '22

I think the worst advice I've ever heard is "if you're having relationship trouble, have a baby together so you have something to love together and overcome the issue."

Like, a) YIKES and b) my parents tried this resulting in my younger sister. Spoiler alert they've been divorced about 25 years now xD

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Poor younger sister

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u/Odd-Astronaut-92 Apr 07 '22

Yeah it wasn't particularly fun for either of us as kids. I was the oopsie baby and the reason they got married, and she was the fix-it baby and definitely did not stop the inevitable divorce. Kids won't fix a bad relationship!

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u/redpillman26 Apr 06 '22

People encouraging others to cheat, on a night out or he/she won’t know. We find out in the end

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u/popejubal Apr 07 '22

I don’t want people to cheat and I’m not encouraging cheating, but “we find out in the end” is not accurate a big % of the time. A lot of spouses/significant others find out. A whole lot of spouses and significant others don’t find out. I don’t cheat, but I do travel for business and there’s a LOT of fucking on business trips.

If someone has another love interest on the side, it’s easy to get caught. If someone has a casual fling and no one catches feelings, it’s pretty unlikely to get found out.

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u/Mean_Elderberry_6098 Apr 07 '22

Thanks now I’m for sure to never get in a relationship ever again!

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u/popejubal Apr 07 '22

I don’t have a lot of advice to give there. If someone wants to cheat and they have time to cheat, they’re gonna cheat. The way to make sure your partner won’t cheat is to be with someone who doesn’t want to/isn’t willing to cheat (and I don’t know how to tell which partners are like that or I would have skipped a couple of former partners) or have a living situation where there just isn’t time/opportunity to cheat (and that sucks because even solid partners who love each other should usually have at least some time and interests apart from their partner).

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u/foureyebull Apr 07 '22

“Happy Wife Happy Life”

That phrase is such BS. Healthy relationships are not one-sided and at times require compromise and work. Both husband AND wife need to work together to make a happy relationship.

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u/sauteed-egg Apr 07 '22

that’s why I prefer “happy spouse, happy house!”

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u/SilhouetteCommenter Apr 07 '22

"Men are scared of women who have a higher salary and education than him. If you want a husband, make sure you earn less and don't go to school" - some random relative who wanted to give me his words of wisdom. According to him, women who have a higher paying job/education are too stubborn and hard-headed that she won't listen to the man lolol

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

I'm sorry, but having a smart and successful wife... That would be hot as hell.

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u/Reddragonsky Apr 07 '22

I can attest to this.

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u/Wampus117 Apr 07 '22

I’m a man, my SO is a woman and a doctor. She makes significantly more money than I do. I’m proud of her and could care less. Men that care are the same men that think they have control over when a woman can or cannot speak. I provide and so does she, we are a team.

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u/detective_kiara Apr 06 '22

"If your man cheats on you, it's because you're not pleasing him enough" 😒

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u/Taco24meNu Apr 07 '22

I've heard the inverse too. Its abhorrent

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u/gaytheforcebewithyou Apr 07 '22

As a teenage girl in the 80's my Mom told me to not come across too smart or too capable around boys because "you need to make them think that you need them".

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u/[deleted] Apr 06 '22

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22 Wholesome

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u/YourDigitalFootprint Apr 07 '22

The whole "If he can't buy your nails, hair, and still take you out whenever you want and buy everything you ask for, drop him" thing I've been seeing around so often. Sometimes you can tell they're joking, but some people are dead serious when they say this

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u/stoter Apr 06 '22

Let her win

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u/zero_iq Apr 07 '22

Depends. Is she a wookie?

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u/MF_Ghidra Apr 07 '22

My brother in law told my wife’s first husband a detailed, perfect plan on how to cheat on your wife, on their wedding night.

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u/Black-Thirteen Apr 07 '22

Wait a minute, help me understand if I'm putting this family tree together correctly. Your brother in law would be your wife's brother. Meaning, he tried to help his own sister get cheated on.

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u/MysteryChicken101 Apr 07 '22

Yeah that's right. Messed up.

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u/MF_Ghidra Apr 07 '22

That is correct. Dudes a real piece of shit.

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u/cutelyaware Apr 07 '22

My own mother told me that sometimes "no" means "yes".

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u/Tolerable-DM Apr 07 '22

I hope she was just referring to sarcasm, but I suspect that is not the case.

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u/n3rdz97 Apr 07 '22

“You should stay because you were with him for so long and he is better with you.” (He was on meds but rarely took them so that gave him a mean personality)

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

Reminds me of sunk cost fallacy.

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u/Bakecrazy Apr 07 '22

Get pregnant, he needs motivation to overcome addiction and find a job.

The girl fortunately didn't listen to it though.

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u/BambooRods Apr 06 '22 Helpful

The most worst relationship advice I heard is its like a bucket. Give to much water and it will pour out sour. (if someone does know what that means please tell me)

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

That person was high and changed metaphors mid sentence

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u/jamesofearth1 Apr 07 '22

Those were certainly all words!

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u/Black-Thirteen Apr 07 '22

If you dump too much water on your boyfriend/girlfriend, they will get angry at you. I went through a couple of painful breakups. But with the latest, I've dumped very little water on her over the course of our relationship, and we're married now!

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Are you dating cacti or something?

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

I’m not sure that makes any sense on any level

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u/ShadowBoots69 Apr 06 '22

“You deserve better” when i needed to work on myself first

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u/mistarry Apr 07 '22

Yesss! While it's true that we deserve better, sometimes it covers up the fact that it's us who have a problem. That's why it's so important to work on ourselves first before entering a relationship.

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u/Black-Thirteen Apr 07 '22

I've found most relationship problems are a combination of faults on both sides. Even when the other person was clearly in the wrong, I find myself looking back and thinking about how I could have handled it better. Maybe I could have deescalated the situation instead of making it worse like I did. I'm only accountable for my own actions, after all, so it bears no fruit dwelling on an ex's mistakes once we've gone out separate ways.

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u/Nullus_Onym Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

I married a First Nations woman. I am a white man. The worst advise I ever got was, “be very careful of their culture and practices it could taint you.” I was 20 when I got that piece of shit from my then pastor. Caused me to be apprehensive of such a wonderful diverse culture and I missed out on a lot for a while. Embrace diversity. You experience so much more in life. Those who are a part of those different groups enjoy you so much more.

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u/[deleted] Apr 07 '22

Racism

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u/AFancyMammoth Apr 07 '22

Taint you like the church tainted three full generations of First Nation people.

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u/Acedia_spark Apr 06 '22

I dunno if this is advice so much as a I think it's bad relationship mentality.

"If you tell me something, you are telling my partner too"/"You have to tell me, I'm your partner"

I dont enter a relationship and suddenly all my family and friends secrets are void from being secret. I'm still an individual person that my loved ones can confide in without me immediately disseminating that info to a partner.

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u/mistarry Apr 06 '22

Yes! Privacy is so important.

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u/intothepizzaverse Apr 07 '22

I talk to my mom about everything, and then my dad magically knows about it the next day. It’s weird and it usually doesn’t happen with important stuff, or else I’d stop talking to Mom.

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u/Spicymoose29 Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

“Awww, they get insane when they are jealous, it proves how much they love you !”

Yeah…Nope.

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u/Historical-Caramel99 Apr 07 '22 edited Apr 07 '22

Just put up with the lies. Your dad lies all the time.

-My mom.

Well, that explains why you sleep in separate bedrooms.

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u/PeakRepresentative14 Apr 07 '22

That I should get with an older man because he would be already ready to settle down and start a family.

When I was 18. The man in suggestion was like 32.

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u/unclecharliemt Apr 07 '22

Dad on a road trip, just the two of us. "Son marry a woman who loves you, cause if she's a good woman you'll learn to love her too."

Week or so later came home from school late to hear my step-mother talking to my two older sisters. "Girls marry a man who loves you, cause if he's a good man you'll learn to love him."

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u/Tolerable-DM Apr 07 '22

Seems like the advice would work better if they combined them. 'Marry a good man/woman that you love, that also loves you. Also, make sure it's someone you're actually friends with, because that shit matters.'

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u/Legally_a_Tool Apr 07 '22

“It’s not gay to give it to another dude, just taking it is gay. So you don’t have to tell your GF you are gay or something.”

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u/Responsible-Top-6882 Apr 07 '22 Silver

If you're married and he cheats on you, you have to forgive him and stay with him because, Christianity.

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u/OurLadyOfTheChickens Apr 07 '22

If I have to forgive him for that god will forgive me for murder.

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u/Uddercup Apr 06 '22

"Just wait, you'll find someone eventually."

That shit is not helpful, ever. And there's no way for anyone to know that.

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u/Black-Thirteen Apr 07 '22

I can see some truth to this. Because on the other hand, rushing into a relationship has its own problems. It's important to be comfortable with who you are on your own.

It's just the notion that success will come automatically I find troublesome. Once you've worked on yourself, you do have to put yourself back out there. There's a balance between patience and hard work.

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