its come to the point where i cant live on savings anymore while i try to figure out my next career step, i really want to branch out and expand my experience repertoire, and ideally i really need to keep the prime social time open, as that is the biggest depression builder for me, missing or being unable to commit to social connections, and planned TO being ripped out from under me. So, no or extemely few nights/weekends. so far ive done sales consultant at best buy, where the corpo structure made it so non-top earners get exclusively the closing and weekends, i was otherwise reasonably successful at this job (i.e customers/Service US Fine Huf id like to branch out) . I dont want to do food service mostly for the same reason, the required weekends/nights. I have a class B CDL (everything up to busses) but i really want to move away from driving (though i loved it, the structure again is bad for me) Im really stuck in my career search because of a deep lack of direction otherwise, and any jobs i do land at that level will take months to even find out if they want to hire me, i need to pay bills in the meantime. Located in Denver CO.
This it’s a collection of several half-written out ideas I’d thought I’d throw together and finally flesh out a bit into a post that might help some people.
I’ll start you off with a single idea: Most people are comfortable/complacent and don’t ever stop to think about what they want from life. They just do what everybody else is doing, for the sole reason of: “Everybody else is doing it.”
Sure, everybody else is doing it. That’s because everybody else is average.
Fuck average. Fuck “normal”. Fuck doing what everybody else is doing – that’s a one-way ticket to a mediocre, average life.
People go to university, just because everybody else is doing it. People fall into relationships with people they’re not that into, just because everybody else is doing it. People settle for a marriage that has a greater-than-50%-chance of divorce, just because everybody else is doing it. People have kids without even stopping to think, “Do I want kids? If so, what kind of parent do I want to be? How can I find a partner who’ll be a great mother/father to my kids?”
To be clear, I’m not saying marriage, kids, starting a family are goals you shouldn’t go for. In fact, those are some of the most rewarding things you could do in life. But make sure you actually want those things, and aren’t just doing them because “That’s what everybody else is doing!” Life’s too short to blindly follow along with other people. After all, most people are totally full of shit and have no idea what the fuck they’re talking about:
And if you do want those things – marriage, kids, a certain career, etc – decide you’ll be the absolute best at each one of those goals. Go 100% all-in and crush everyone around you. If you want kids, be the best motherfucking parent the world has ever known. If you want marriage, go all-in and decide you’ll build the most kickass, most rewarding marriage on the planet, and then do whatever the fuck it takes to make that a reality.
Don’t hold back.
Those who aren’t willing to go 100% all-in and do whatever it takes to be happy/successful; we call those people “average”. And is the average person happy – I mean truly, wonderfully, beautifully happy? Of course not. Not even close. Henry David Thoreau said it best:
“The mass of men lead lives of quiet desperation.”
The average person is complacent, lazy, comfortable… god I shudder at that word. Comfortable. As if there’s nothing more to achieve, no next hurdle to overcome, no next mountain to scale. “Comfortable” is another way of saying, “I’ve given up.”
And I get why the average person is happy being complacent – it’s easy. It’s secure. The path is already laid out for you; you just have to follow it. Find an average-looking woman, have average-looking kids, be average with your health and average with your career, die at an average age and have an average number of people attend your funeral. None of that is hard; it kinda just happens with absolutely zero effort.
In contrast, pushing yourself is fucking hard; it takes a hell of a lot of effort. We’ve set some crazy goals for ourselves here – stuff the average person could never even contemplate, let alone be arrogant (and ballsy) enough to actually attempt. Make no mistake; If you’re into self-improvement, you’re playing life on hard mode.
Fuck society’s rules.
But do you have any other choice? I mean YOU, the person reading this right now. Are you the type of person who can just be average and do whatever everyone else is doing just because it’s easy? I certainly can’t. I don’t want to get to my deathbed, regretting the things I didn’t do, the goals I didn’t even bother trying to achieve. I don’t want to get to the end and know I could have done more, had more, been more…
Of all sad words of tongue or pen, the saddest are these, ‘It might have been.‘
John Greenleaf Whittier
The whole point of this post is to get you to sit down and think about what you truly want. Your future is something you should do because you planned to do it; not something you just “fell into” because everybody else was doing it. Pick the goals you want to achieve. Be the person you want to be.
The average person sucks**.** Don’t be the average person, unless you want to be full of regrets when you start getting old. I want you to be able to embrace old age full of peace, knowing you lived the life you chose, did the things you wanted to do, instead of just doing what everybody else is doing. If any of this resonates, I go into more detail in an audio version of this post.
I’ll leave you with some lyrics from a great song I love – Ready to Start by Arcade Fire.
“All the kids have always known
that the emperor wears no clothes.
But they bow down to him anyway.
Because it’s better than being alone.”
I want so see what happens if I stop surfing the internet. No youtube videos. No reddit. No social media.
I have his theory that people but especially people with ADHD do things out of necessity. If I no longer have the option to seek comfort in the internet, I will have to change my life. I can no longer count on conversing with people on reddit or living vicariously through youtube. I will have to myself out there.
Is this possible ? And what if you need to unwind and relax ?
Starting off , I want to provide a backstory before I go into my initial point.
So , from when I was little I really wanted to study abroad.Fast-forward to today , on my last year of highschool and getting conditionally accepted to a really awesome university in a really awesome city, and I really want to accomplish that goal. In order to get fully accepted into that university I need to get some specific scores and grade averages (In my case , I need to get a 16/20 on Math , and a 16/20 grade average , I got 18/20 last semester).How it goes for my last semester in my country , my last grades are are weighed with the grades that my teacher deliver and my performance on the exams.Its 60% the teachers part , and 40% the perfomance part.
The thing I am really anxious about is doing poorly on my exams. In the whole of my school career (at least in elementary school , because on my first and second year of high school the final exams were cancelled due to the pandemic) , that may have to do with the fact that I do have a learning disability and my whole life , I wasn't the best at school , but still did really good.And of course that's why I am studying , because obviously , I dont want to do bad on my final exams and I am actually studying for hours on end , for example yesterday I did that , and it felt good.
Which brings me to my point , even though , I study a lot , and I do good studying , progressing and all of that.I still hit some pumps , mostly just logical math problems (I am really bad at fractions) and I get really buzzkilled and think that I wont succeed.
I just want to accomplish my really important goal that I had for years now
[Image] You will never change anything that you are willing to tolerate. In order to bring about the changes you want in your life, you need to make the active decision to NOT tolerate things you want to change.
For about 2 years I've been battling bouts of depression and have seen a lot of my personal projects fall to the wayside. I'm finding ways to properly battle said depression it but regardless I am constantly facing this one problem and you've probably been there; you make great strides but reach a tough spot that causes you to find a reason to quit. Every now and then I get this spark and come back full blazes but only for a hot minute. Can anyone recommend a strategy to keep going but for the long haul?
Edit: Thank you to all that have contributed to this post. I'll be bookmarking this when the times get tough!
Everyone has – or had - dreams.
However, many miss out on the best that their life has to offer them because they fail to properly prepare. You can choose to be different from others, and different from your previous self.
Why have a mind if you never change it?
Being ready prepares you to manage whatever obstacles stand in your way, or arise unexpectedly. It means that you refuse to be denied the destiny that is rightfully yours. While it's not possible to be ready for everything, it is possible to be as prepared as you can be for anything that is reasonably foreseeable. Preparation is the key to recognizing, receiving and experiencing genuine lasting fulfilment.
In a world of few certainties, you can push the odds largely in your favour by recognising and grasping the opportunities that fill our world. And that means being ready:
· Get the basics of your life under control.
· Get – and remain - in intellectual control.
· Develop your authentic self.
· Consistently develop your capabilities.
· Building reserves to manage the setbacks.
Preparing to Realise Your Dreams
Everyone is walking their own path with a unique journey, a unique destination – and a unique legacy. Whatever your dreams are, start preparing for them now – opportunities are everywhere for those ready to recognize them. Dreams can be large or small, and some can take a very long time to come to pass. Just keep going, and plan to succeed. When you do, the odds are in your favour.
There are many ways you can prepare for your dreams:
· Develop a clear description of the dream.
· Reverse plan how you will achieve the dream: start with the dream, then work out the final stage, then the one before that, and the one before that – all the way back to the present day.
· Learn how to use self-hypnosis. The techniques we have here are transformational.
· Let go of the baggage from the past which no longer serves you.
· Keep a journal about what you're accomplishing toward your dreams.
· Reflect on what has gone well – and why it has gone well.
· Monitor your progress – what worked, what didn’t: what have I learned, how will I apply that learning?
· Seeking out the people who can help you realize your dreams.
· Continue to be your best and work hard, especially when things appear difficult.
· Consider the benefits of working with a skilled therapist: putting things in perspective, sharing the tools to support your progress: a huge return for your investment in yourself.
The most important thing you can do, is to keep your dreams in mind. Focus on them every day. Visualize success. Constantly remind yourself why your dreams are important. Deliberate on the negative thoughts of your inner critic. work with a therapist to remove those limiting beliefs and challenge those unresourceful thought patterns. Preparing for your dreams means recognising that you are good enough and you are worthy: progressing towards your dreams becomes your everyday reality.
As you continue to take steps in the direction of your dreams, you'll become more prepared for their realisation day by day. Overcome both the fear of failure and the fear of success with consistent, positive steps in the direction of your dreams. Reflect on what strategies are and are not working, and develop your strategy until you’re getting the progress you want.
Get the Dream You Really Want
Commit to your vision in each major area of your life, possibly in a journal, but most importantly – deep inside yourself.
When you begin to think about what you truly want from the perspective of your authentic self, free from limiting beliefs, you'll find your true passions. You'll find what matters most to you and you'll feel the excitement, and the fulfilment, of walking your own path. This is what it means to prepare yourself for your dreams. When you're prepared, you'll know that you are already on your way and you just need to keep going.
Genuine Desire + Effective Strategy + Persistent Consistence =
This post hopes to serve as a gentle reminder for those who are working towards their goals but may be seeing no external results from their efforts and may be getting discouraged.
Remember, nature takes time.
You don’t plant a seed one day and go collect the harvest the next day. You don't work out once and get the body you want. You don't become great friends in a day. You don't get into a good state in a relationship, then stop putting effort it.
Likewise, nature is testing you to see if you really are who you are claiming to be. Time is testing you to see if you will give up before it rewards you.
It is okay to get discouraged, but it is not okay to lose faith in yourself and abilities. It is okay to take breaks, but it is not okay to completely give up on your goals. It is okay to seek help. It is okay to get stuck. Just don’t give up. Nature will eventually catch up and repay you for the efforts you have put in.
Time will continue to test your character to see if you really are who you claim to be. And remember that your habits, good and bad, will drive you when motivation wanes. Your emotions will also cause you to sway; your moods will ebb and flow.
I understand how it feels not be where you want, when things don’t play out how you expected, when there’s no sign of reimbursement for all your time, effort, and peace of mind. But keep pushing. You are close. If not closer to your end goal, you will definitely be closer to becoming the type of person that persists, a person determined, a person that sticks to what they say.
Nature will capitulate to your demands, sooner or later, if you don’t give up and continue to improve towards your goals. Don’t get discouraged. It must happen if you keep working towards it.
I lie on my bed far too much and always end up wasting my time browsing Reddit, Insta and YouTube. I'm fucking done with that shit. It's been making me unmotivated, made me stupid and has given far too much anxiety.
Today I'm making a change!! Comment if you guys wanna make a gc to make ourselves a bit more accountable! For reference, I'm a 19 year old (20 tomorrow :)" university student living in the UK.
LET'S FUCKING DO THIS!!!!
A lot of people seem to be interested in the group chat idea, which is awesome! I'll make one tomorrow after I wake up. Send me your WhatsApp QR code on Reddit so I can invite you guys to it!
Here is the invite link for the group on WhatsApp! https://chat.whatsapp.com/Be8MYJQ2s4bK6FWC9M0VMZ
We all have ideals.
We think about all the ideal outcomes that can possibly come out of a situation, or a relationship, or our lives in general. We want the best and we paint pictures of what that would look like. We create ideals because we see potential for improvement. In the past, we had seen glimpses of this in ourselves and know that if we can continue to channel those parts, then we can bridge that gap between potential and ideal.
Maybe not fully, but improvement is improvement. We seek to aim high, and if we fall short, we’ll be higher than we would be if we were to aim low, or not aim at all.
Naturally, we are not where we want to be – and maybe we never will be. Maybe there is no end point where one can simply say they have no further desire to improve. The critical eye of self-improvement brings with it a type of dissatisfaction because if we were perfect, then we wouldn’t need to improve. We know perfection isn’t possible, but that doesn’t seem to stop us.
We have made up, in our own minds, an ideal for ourselves. An ideal version of ourselves that we want to make happen. Or at least, we believe that if this ideal were to be reached, life would be better than it is now. An ideal, that if reached, would bring us fulfillment – or at least that’s what we hope. That ideal might simply be a checkpoint once we get there, growing it even more. Or maybe that ideal is a simple wish. Regardless, our ideal is generally a form in the future, and we compare it with the present to gauge how we are doing.
Benefits of an ideal.
The ideal is useful for us because, first, it can instill in us the belief and hope that there is a perfect or ideal state which we can view and try to get closer to. Second, it can hold us accountable. When we see ourselves falling short, we desire to adapt or change. Third, it can remove the negative critical eye of comparing ourselves to others; instead, it is turned inward. Our ideal only needs to be compared to ourselves, our situation, and our own lives.
So, I ask, is it possible to live ideally today?
What if we just make that our main aim for the day? First, we set goals for the day, all the things we would ideally get done. Second, we envision what our ideal self would be doing; the more we can do this throughout the day, the better. Would they be procrastinating right now? Would they make this excuse? Would they give up after this paltry amount of resistance? Third, we either act towards it or we don’t.
If we don’t act towards our ideal, if we don’t achieve the goals which we set for ourselves, if we find ourselves acting less than ideal, then we run the risk of having that dissatisfaction grow. We ask ourselves, “why do we fail to live up to our ideals”? This negativity, if not checked, can lead one to dark places. However, it can also be properly channeled as motivation; by building a dissatisfaction that can be channeled into a force for change. Since we don’t enjoy continually falling short, we seek change. This is our ideal after all; even if we’re not there now, we can get there eventually.
Take care to not allow your ideals to become toxic. Ideals need not be fully reached. Nor do they need to be consistently held. We make progress towards them. We get closer to them. They guide us. We can reach our ideal today only to fall short tomorrow. The goal is to keep aiming towards embodying the ideal. And when one finds themselves filled with negativity due to falling short, then compare where you are now with the past.
If you have been improving over time, then you are getting closer to your ideals. Your present, which you feel is not satisfactory, may have developed aspects that would be ideal to a past you. Use that gratitude. Take pride in your achievements, and growth, and continue aiming up. Continue trying to live towards your ideals. Celebrate small victories whenever you do. And most importantly, don’t give up on yourself just because you are in a rut or not living up to your ideals. They aren’t meant to harm you, they’re meant to guide you; to see your potential; to help you grow… if that is what you seek.