r/NoStupidQuestions
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u/[deleted]
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Jan 20 '22
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Why do LGBT+ people so often have their sexuality and such in their bios on social mediums?
Pronouns I can somewhat understand, because that's what you want to be referred to, but whose business is it what you prefer to engage with sexually?
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u/simcity4000 Jan 20 '22
politically its about visibility
People you might want to date? Saves a lot of potential awkwardness
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u/collegekit13 Jan 20 '22
I am guessing so people know and don’t waist their time sliding in their DMs. Like if they are lesbian or gay, no point of the opposite gender trying their luck.
Also, maybe to avoid awkward conversations down the line. Like if you are a trans woman or guy… idk the other options I am not very well versed in all of this.. it’s awkward to have to mention it to everyone you talk to. It’s easier to just put it in your bio and uninterested/ homophobic people stay away.
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u/dinosauroil Jan 20 '22
Used to find it a good enough time saver for filtering out people who will stop treating you as human the moment they learn you're queer or trans. No need to waste energy thinking of them as a potential friend or trying to connect with them to have them claim you were "dishonest" with them because you didn't lead by cataloguing how you deviate from their expectations for sexuality or gender. So it saves time to catalogue them. It's all just there, if someone cares they'll read it (and can go away if they wish), if they don't they won't. People love imagining what another internet user is like and most people will imagine someone who is like them unless specified otherwise.
Of course now that it's commonplace, you'll have some people contacting you to angrily tell you that they really, REALLY don't care about your pronouns or whatever so it's less useful and I don't really do it anymore. (Though I don't really look for friends online anymore in general). Maybe it's for "visibility" or something for some people, but for me it's not out of any desire to educate anyone. If I'm on a social media platform trying to connect with people and include that information, it's just to help screen out most people who will be annoying dicks about a small, marginal, and relatively private part of my life before you have to let them get to know you well enough for the subject to be broached.
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u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22
Just curious is it possible someone could get to know you and decide you’re a great person and your orientation doesn’t matter? I can only empathize how annoying it is to deal with that kind of judgement. Humans judge that’s what they do. If not your sexuality than on your appearance, etc. As social beings humans are intuitively conditioned to seek similarities in others. Literally since cavemen! Could you be shutting yourself off to interesting experiences? Why not just lead with your character and disregard those proven unworthy? Sexuality does not encompass everything about anyone. Interested in your feedback.
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u/dinosauroil Jan 21 '22
I mean, that is sort of what I do now (i.e. "try to lead with my character") as I normally don't even have a self-description or fill out profiles unless necessary. One could tell I'm trans from my reddit posts cause I come here to read about news or personal relationship stuff, but on sites devoted to music or movies it comes up quite rarely. I was just recalling my motivation from back when I did have a rather typical "Hi! My name is So & So. trans, bi. i play guitar" description on sites like twitter and it was largely in reaction to having "normal" people stop talking to me or get hostile when I came out to them after getting to know them. If someone thinks I've such a great character but then learns I'm what they consider a "degenerate" that tends to outweigh any considerations, on both sides.
Why do you assume I (/others who have used this reasoning) shut myself off to interesting experiences altogether? I genuinely feel like my first 30 years were "interesting" enough for two lifetimes and I'm actually pretty happy now (apart from the whole world hurtling towards a genocidal hellscape thing, I'm managing my own life pretty OK). I know I'm surely missing out on some stuff in life, but ALL of life is a trade-off. I've had to sacrifice openness and flexibility before to gain connection & stability and vise versa. I think it's a false duality to assume that it has to be one extreme or the other. All of these things and decisions (i.e. what do I share in my profile?) are just parts and pieces of tools we have to navigate through the world. Gender is only a narrow slice of that world for me (even though to most non-trans people it is all they see about me).
I don't live in a large or diverse city and my very obviously queer appearance is clearly an issue for people daily even though I don't look that way to shock. This has downsides but it filters out a lot of interactions I honestly don't miss with judgmental people (at least on any level beyond dirty looks). I just saw it as an extension of that into my digital representation. If it REALLY doesn't matter for someone, I didn't think a couple words on a profile should be such an issue. They are perfectly welcome to get to know me and decide I'm a great person but the idea was just to filter out the most reactionary people who literally see a queer profile and get so annoyed they can't stand to look at it. (In reality, it seems to attract that negative attention so I don't rly even do it anymore). Not to mention obviously someone sharing your identity does not mean they are going to be wonderful and safe and care the least bit about your well-being (whether or not they're acting nice to you) so you should kinda treat ALL people by their actions. We're just talking about the pros and cons of disclosing a tiny part of one's identity on a social media profile and one of the pros was that it drives away a lot of obnoxious people who can't handle anything but fashy uniformity.
Sorry hope I don't sound hostile or something.
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u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22
You don’t sound hostile! I appreciate your insight! I’m sorry you are treated differently. People can be so short sighted and their biases can prevent some from having awesome experiences.That sucks. Something I wish I learned sooner is that you deserve to be every bit of who you are. If you that make someone uncomfortable just being yourself that’s their problem not yours. It’s also their loss. Wishing you well in your journey!
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u/Awkward_Host7 Jan 20 '22
When I was kid I used to put my ethnicity in my bio via flags. So I could find other people like me, with similar backgrounds.
Thats how I would meet people who knew my aunty's or uncle's in different cities. Because we would all be part of a community. That knew mostly everyone.
I don't do it anymore. Because its now seen as cringy in many ethnic groups, since a lot of white girls tend to put random flags in their bio. So if I was to put a flag in my bio, now, it would come across as stuck up or snobby as if I thought I was better than people.
Edit: I'm not saying its that same. But maybe its similar. To help find others like you. And to let other know.
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u/musicallykairi Jan 20 '22
I did it to make sure whoever I was talking to was cool with that. I don't want to like a guy, get serious with him, and then experience heartbreak because I am just as capable of loving a woman as I am a man.
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u/TheMaskOfCosmo Jan 20 '22
I just like to rub it in my conservative Christian family's face as much as possible.
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u/AggravatingAd1810 Jan 20 '22
Well why not? They don't care if you know their sexual preferences. Maybe it stops people from hitting on them unnecessarily.
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u/mgquantitysquared Jan 20 '22
I do it as a litmus test for assholes. It’s also a fun little tidbit about me, kinda personal touch.
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u/alphanumericusername Jan 20 '22
I'm bi but I try not to broadcast it because that would probably make it rather difficult to get a job.
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u/digitaldisgust Jan 20 '22
If people are interested in you or if you wanna avoid having to admit it to every new person we talk to lol
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u/TishMiAmor Jan 20 '22
I think Tumblr had a role in this, and unlike a lot of people who bring up Tumblr on Reddit, I don’t necessarily mean that in a negative way. Positionality is really important in tumblr culture because a ton of the things people argue about are ultimately linked to race, gender, sexuality, etc. If you’re in a discussion about whether XYZ is good or bad representation for a group, one of the most important things in the Tumblr setting is whether you’re a part of that group. That’s led to a lot of people leading with identity in their headers, and I think it’s diffused from there. The other things people are mentioning here are also a factor, but Tumblr is where I’ve seen “putting your identities at the top of your page” practiced earliest and most commonly. From there it seems to have moved to Tiktok and Twitter.
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u/TishMiAmor Jan 20 '22
Tumblr’s incredibly user-hostile interface also contributes to this. You can end up in a discussion with essentially anyone and unlike e.g. Facebook where you’re like “who in the one mutual friend is this?” and click on their name and have a reasonable chance of seeing some information on their profile, Tumblr takes you to a user’s page and it’s like “here are their posts that blew up the most, whether they liked it or not. If you want to scroll forever through five hundred reblogs to try to figure out what this person’s actual deal is, go for it— oops, it crashed.” I think this is also why elaborate carrds became a thing among, like… fourteen year olds. They wanted to be able to present a coherent and integrated image of themselves and they had to find a work around. They would have loved MySpace.
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u/ColdPR Jan 20 '22
Would assume a combination of displaying pride in their identity and an easy way to filter out homophobes while drawing in other LGBT+ people.
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u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22
Thank you for posting this. This is something I have always been curious about as well. Kudos!
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u/KirikaNai Jan 21 '22
Its definitly for filtering flirty dms. If you're lesbian and a guy dms you intrested, you'll feel a little bad turning him down. But if someone dms you despite you having "I'm gay" in some way shape or form in your bio, you're free to feel guilt free in messing with them or turning them down hard. If they saw your bio and still flirt messaged you, chances are they're not that swell a person
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u/Coffeelover69420aaaa Jan 21 '22
We make our own respresentation. While representation in media nowadays is on the rise, it’s still not enough for many people.
Imagine how it would be if you were only seeing lesbian couples on tv but you’re heterosexual, and keep questioning your normality.
It’s important for us.
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u/Revolutionary-Boat70 Jan 21 '22
The government's business, evidently. And anyone's who doesn't like it.
Anyway, I keep seeing this question pop up on Reddit in different forms the past couple days. While I can't speak for everyone, I believe it's to do with marginalization. A lot of people's default mindset when they look at someone is that they're a straight cis person. It's a sense of pride and preservation of both community and self. The LGBTQ+ community has fought hard to gain some semblance of recognition and acceptance but there's still a long way to go. We're still very much in the stage that if we aren't vocal about it, we will lose what we've gained, and there is still further to go. Straight people don't advertise that they're straight because they just assume that's the default and that everyone assumes the same, and they're more or less right. Broadcasting that you're not can be a way of saying "I'm here, and I matter. I deserve every bit of recognition and respect as straight people and I'm not going to let you forget that".
Or...they're just trying to get a date.
In any case, it's sort of an individual representation of the way media tends to only ever portray straight, cis, white people. Though that does seem to be getting very slowly better.
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u/SepticMonke Jan 22 '22
i guess it’s because we can, especially if you’re surrounded by lgbtphobic people irl and they have no idea who you are on social media. everyone around me is lgbtphobic. my sister is becoming more understanding though. i can hide behind this screen and safely say that i’m asexual, biromantic, and transgender without worrying about my safety. it just feels nice to be free
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u/chrischi3 Jan 20 '22 •
It's about visibility. Everyone assumes that everyone else is straight an cis by default. The point is not to share who you're into so much as it is to remind everyone that you exist. Same reason for why minorities are almost always loud. Minorities constantly need to remind majorities of their existance, because historically, silence just makes things worse.