r/NoStupidQuestions Jan 20 '22 Take My Energy 1

Why do LGBT+ people so often have their sexuality and such in their bios on social mediums?

Pronouns I can somewhat understand, because that's what you want to be referred to, but whose business is it what you prefer to engage with sexually?

42 Upvotes

129

u/chrischi3 Jan 20 '22 Gold Wholesome

It's about visibility. Everyone assumes that everyone else is straight an cis by default. The point is not to share who you're into so much as it is to remind everyone that you exist. Same reason for why minorities are almost always loud. Minorities constantly need to remind majorities of their existance, because historically, silence just makes things worse.

21

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

Thank you!

28

u/ZerexTheCool Jan 20 '22

A Gay person has to "come out" with each new person they meet because you are assumed straight until you do.

If you just toss it in your bio, you don't have to get the "Oh... I didn't know you are gay" conversation over and over. Even worse when the conversation is "Oh... I didn't know you are gay, I am not homophobic, but my church teaches marriage is between one man man and one woman."

Seems like it would be a lot less stressful to just put it in your bio.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

Makes sense, yeah. It's odd not caring about that but where I'm from it's more widely normalised now I guess to just not care about who someone else wants in life.

13

u/ZerexTheCool Jan 20 '22

If you're Straight and don't care if someone is gay or not, it won't ever effect you. You'll walk through life never really worrying about it.

If you're gay, and don't really care about it people are gay or straight, you will still be pushed, shunned, and attacked by straight people who DO care about "stoping the gay agenda!" You WILL interact with people who think you are going to hell. And people you know WILL support candidates who still maintain the belief that marriage should only be between a man and a woman.

When you're the minority, you don't have a choice to ignore it and not worry about it.

-2

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

I don’t agree. Why is there a need to share your sexuality with everyone? It’s no ones business but you’re own! If someone brings attention to their difference then unfortunately you get it, negative and positive. “Shunned, pushed, etc” I’m not saying that’s ok but why put yourself in that position? It’s not like race or something that can’t be hidden. Personally I am indifferent to other folks sexuality. I judge people by their character. Forgive me if I come across ignorant but I really don’t understand this phenomenon.

1

u/Shagton_Barnes Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

More than agree. You can be anything you’d like to be in this world of ours and that’s acceptable to me. What I don’t need to know upon getting an email from you is what kind of genitalia you have, who you sleep with or what your pro nouns are. Especially in business relationships. If you’re my friend, I will already be familiar, if you’re a stranger this information is irrelevant to me. I don’t think anyone needs to apologize for their indifference to this trend of adding email footers or social media posts with orientation or gender IDs or any other formal signs of one’s own preferences. It’s just like anything else in our society: a trend. The quality of your character is what I am concerned with. What ever you do with your body is your thing.

Can you imagine what kind of shitstorm would start if everyone who was so called “straight” put something like this their e-mail footer for example:

Sincerely,

David R. Jones CEO Vandalay Industries

CIS, Straight White Male Have a Penis Age 28 Prefers vaginal intercourse Occasionally fantasizes about trans women but wife doesn’t know about it - I am not “gay” He/Him White privilege acknowledging Democratic voter

0

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

Thank you my point Exactly u/michaelandturtles

8

u/ScarySuit Jan 20 '22

I intentionally live in a very liberal area. When my wife and I moved into our new house, the next door neighbor asked if we were sisters (we don't even look that much alike...). I get asked about my husband a lot.

You are constantly coming out to people as a LGBT person, even in liberal areas. Honestly I wish I had "I'm a lesbian" tattooed on my forehead sometimes to avoid awkwardness, so I totally get why some people online post their orientation.

Also, you only notice the people who do post their orientation and not those who don't.

3

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

True, but there's enough who do post it to've raised my question in the first place. That does sound really annoying, though. Sucks that you have to deal with that so often.

0

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

😂 So funny. Maybe you should get a t shirt that says “whatever you’re think yes!” It’s so funny how people make assumptions that everyone is just like them- I see how that gets old. I’m really glad you mentioned that you noticed those who post their orientation and not those that don’t. So is it fair to say if you don’t give a reason to ask then you have the choice to decide how you respond and if you want to share that information? I mean really you don’t owe anyone an answer. You could always find a nice way ( or not!) to say mind your business. That’s totally your right!

4

u/Arcydziegiel Jan 20 '22

Everyone assumes that everyone else is straight an cis by default.

Kinda outside your point, but I think that's resonable. Vast majority of people aren't queer so it's fair to assume someone is cis and straight unless they give you a reason to believe otherwise.

Like if you are in Germany, you assume everyone is German unless you have a specific reason not to — like they speak French in public.

7

u/chrischi3 Jan 20 '22

I never said it's unreasonable, in fact, i totally agree that it is. And because this is the default assumption, queer people often make sure to remind everyone this isn't the case for them.

1

u/Arcydziegiel Jan 20 '22

"Kinda outside your point" :P

I never claimed that you did, but I should've been more clear.

0

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

Which is kinda the point right? Why do so many queer people need to remind everyone they’re queer? (Outside of those you want to share that with) Again if you ask for the attention you’re gonna get it and you may not like the attention you get.

1

u/ZatchZeta Jan 20 '22

Oh... that makes more sense.

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

The difference is some minorities don’t have the luxury of hiding their difference. There is a time and place for everything. Visibility isn’t required in every single situation in life. I say this as a minority. There is a resentment that can be caused by the excessive reminders of anything frankly. This is the difference between seeking to be treated like an equal vs special attention. It’s like crying wolf. If you need to make a statement every second people get desensitized to the thing you’re trying to bring attention to so the message gets lost. I am confident in 2022 most know that people who identify outside of heterosexual exist!

2

u/chrischi3 Jan 21 '22

People knew that for centuries. It wasnt until queer people fought back at Stonewall Inn that gay rights actually became a thing in most countries. Also, queer people aren't asking for special treatment by reminding people they exist.

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

They definitely seem to “make more noise” than every other minority group these days.. You don’t see other minorities posting their race or nationality on bios for recognition they exist! I’m very familiar with Stonewall but legislation changes in Illinois brought attention to the issue almost a decade before Stonewall 😉

2

u/chrischi3 Jan 21 '22

Yeah, precisely because we can "hide" it. You cant hide black skin. Wether or not you like it, black people exist, and you can see that. Queer people however you cant look at and know for sure. We keep making noise about it precisely because you cant see it.

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

Oh these days EVERYONE sees it. Queer people exist just like they should! Sometimes the louder you shout the less people listen… People tune out when anything becomes excessive. There’s a time and place for everything. Picking your battles usually bodes well for most. There are lots of people that are discriminated against that can hide it and don’t have the need to prove their existence at every opportunity. Everyone deserves to have a sense of pride but pushing it on others isn’t the most effective way to bring about change. Having a sense of pride comes from within and shouldn’t be determined by the approval of others. I can’t think of any other groups that are so aggressive about it. Change doesn’t happen overnight. Many minorities have fought for years for respect and still don’t have it but don’t make as much noise. That’s why it seems like queer want special attention. Sorry but queer people need to get in line with everyone else! There is no reason queer acceptance should be prioritized as it seems the expectation is! Thanks for your feedback. I appreciate your perspective.

1

u/chrischi3 Jan 21 '22

"I have no problem with queer people, but would they please stop being queer all the time?" Thats how you sound. And besides, the fight for queer rights is far from over, enough people still try to take them away on a regular basis even in the west.

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

Definitely. The fight for ALL minorities is far from over. Clearly you’re missing the point. It’s not stop being queer it’s like you’re not the only ones. And hopefully being queer isn’t the only thing that defines you as a person. I’m sorry I can’t help you understand such a simple concept.

1

u/chrischi3 Jan 21 '22

Noone is saying we're the only ones though? Queer people are about the last minority that would want to stop any other minority from getting their rights acknowledged (Well, except for pedos and zoophiles trying to piggyback off of the LGBTQ+ movement in hopes to get their positions legalized).

And besides, the same rights of assembly and free expression that allow things like pride parades and pride flag pins can just as easily be used by any other minority to express their needs. It's not our fault if they don't. And while we're on the topic, may i remind you that pride parades partially grew out of the civil rights movement that achieved its goals in pretty much the same way?

0

u/michaelandturtles Jan 21 '22

you’re popping off to an audience of zero people yet all of your takes suck

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

Yep zero people. Including you- an ignorant nobody. You should educate yourself… sometimes the truth hurts kid!

1

u/Shagton_Barnes Jan 21 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

“Everyone assumes” just like “most experts would agree” and “everyone does”

This kind of language is community college freshman quality data.

What do you mean everyone assumes? You don’t account for an individual’s sexuality that exists on a spectrum of flexible ideas at a given time or place regardless of expectations, but you are comfortable telling people what “everyone assumes”?

The funny thing is, this conversation is about suffering from social traumas in our culture, mainly the insanity of American life and how it’s been progressively more difficult to be a person in our society. Just a regular fucking person, forget the “extras” We are worried about pro nouns and being seen on social media and being validated in superficial ways and meanwhile we have a system that’s crushing us on all practical levels financially and socially and when gas reaches $20 a gallon and a studio apartment is $8000 a month you can then tell me what everyone assumes.

1

u/chrischi3 Jan 21 '22

Everyone assumes everyone else to be straight and cis because that is true for about 95% of the population, its a totally reasonable assumption. And besides, queer people are not at fault for unaffordable housing. Generations of boomer politicians who keep telling the working class that making the rich richer will somehow improve their situation, just to then make sure to rig the system ever more in the favour of rich people and watching as the poor get to keep even less, they are the ones who did that to you.

It is the republicans, the very same ones who have been trying their best to repeal and prevent LGBTQ+ friendly legislation at every turn for the last 40 years, who have categorically refused to cap housing prices and raising the minimum wage, while also destroying the unions that would have made sure wages stay livable, who did that, all under the guise of fighting communism, and now they're blaming their newest boogeyman for everything they knowingly fucked up to enrich themselves at the expense of everyone else.

-15

u/Aaaanyways Jan 20 '22

Honestly though in this day and age, I never assume anyone is straight. I can usually tell when someone is gay or straight. And the majority of the youth identify as bi or gay anyways

20

u/chrischi3 Jan 20 '22

Trust me, you cannot. despite the fact many people say this, studies show that their chances of being right is no better than guessing.

8

u/Coldfyr Jan 20 '22

People tend to confuse having a good eye for social cues and cultural norms with regards to stereotypes and signals with having perfect gaydar.

5

u/humdrumturducken Jan 20 '22

Where do you get that "majority" from? The 2019 YRBSS study found that 84.4% of US high school students identify as straight, 8.7% bi, 2.5% gay/lesbian, and 4.5% not sure.

1

u/Aaaanyways Jan 21 '22

Oh, I didn’t know that. My bad. I guess in my town/ old high school/ tiktok fyp, it seemed like everyone was either gay or bi. It wasn’t ever a surprise to learn that they were. But that might just be that I happen to be around lots of LGBTQ people coincidentally

-1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

[deleted]

5

u/chrischi3 Jan 20 '22

It's not really a stereotype i guess, but minorities usually speak out about their problems first, because for politicians, the easiest policies to boost your votes with are the ones that make things better for the masses, but this can easily lead to minorities being neglected, not even out of cruelty or bias, but out of the fact that it's simply the more logical option to cater to the majority.

15

u/simcity4000 Jan 20 '22
  1. politically its about visibility

  2. People you might want to date? Saves a lot of potential awkwardness

4

u/Mikeypsam Jan 20 '22

So people who wanna fuck know whos available on the team

15

u/collegekit13 Jan 20 '22

I am guessing so people know and don’t waist their time sliding in their DMs. Like if they are lesbian or gay, no point of the opposite gender trying their luck.

Also, maybe to avoid awkward conversations down the line. Like if you are a trans woman or guy… idk the other options I am not very well versed in all of this.. it’s awkward to have to mention it to everyone you talk to. It’s easier to just put it in your bio and uninterested/ homophobic people stay away.

3

u/dinosauroil Jan 20 '22

Used to find it a good enough time saver for filtering out people who will stop treating you as human the moment they learn you're queer or trans. No need to waste energy thinking of them as a potential friend or trying to connect with them to have them claim you were "dishonest" with them because you didn't lead by cataloguing how you deviate from their expectations for sexuality or gender. So it saves time to catalogue them. It's all just there, if someone cares they'll read it (and can go away if they wish), if they don't they won't. People love imagining what another internet user is like and most people will imagine someone who is like them unless specified otherwise.

Of course now that it's commonplace, you'll have some people contacting you to angrily tell you that they really, REALLY don't care about your pronouns or whatever so it's less useful and I don't really do it anymore. (Though I don't really look for friends online anymore in general). Maybe it's for "visibility" or something for some people, but for me it's not out of any desire to educate anyone. If I'm on a social media platform trying to connect with people and include that information, it's just to help screen out most people who will be annoying dicks about a small, marginal, and relatively private part of my life before you have to let them get to know you well enough for the subject to be broached.

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

Just curious is it possible someone could get to know you and decide you’re a great person and your orientation doesn’t matter? I can only empathize how annoying it is to deal with that kind of judgement. Humans judge that’s what they do. If not your sexuality than on your appearance, etc. As social beings humans are intuitively conditioned to seek similarities in others. Literally since cavemen! Could you be shutting yourself off to interesting experiences? Why not just lead with your character and disregard those proven unworthy? Sexuality does not encompass everything about anyone. Interested in your feedback.

1

u/dinosauroil Jan 21 '22

I mean, that is sort of what I do now (i.e. "try to lead with my character") as I normally don't even have a self-description or fill out profiles unless necessary. One could tell I'm trans from my reddit posts cause I come here to read about news or personal relationship stuff, but on sites devoted to music or movies it comes up quite rarely. I was just recalling my motivation from back when I did have a rather typical "Hi! My name is So & So. trans, bi. i play guitar" description on sites like twitter and it was largely in reaction to having "normal" people stop talking to me or get hostile when I came out to them after getting to know them. If someone thinks I've such a great character but then learns I'm what they consider a "degenerate" that tends to outweigh any considerations, on both sides.

Why do you assume I (/others who have used this reasoning) shut myself off to interesting experiences altogether? I genuinely feel like my first 30 years were "interesting" enough for two lifetimes and I'm actually pretty happy now (apart from the whole world hurtling towards a genocidal hellscape thing, I'm managing my own life pretty OK). I know I'm surely missing out on some stuff in life, but ALL of life is a trade-off. I've had to sacrifice openness and flexibility before to gain connection & stability and vise versa. I think it's a false duality to assume that it has to be one extreme or the other. All of these things and decisions (i.e. what do I share in my profile?) are just parts and pieces of tools we have to navigate through the world. Gender is only a narrow slice of that world for me (even though to most non-trans people it is all they see about me).

I don't live in a large or diverse city and my very obviously queer appearance is clearly an issue for people daily even though I don't look that way to shock. This has downsides but it filters out a lot of interactions I honestly don't miss with judgmental people (at least on any level beyond dirty looks). I just saw it as an extension of that into my digital representation. If it REALLY doesn't matter for someone, I didn't think a couple words on a profile should be such an issue. They are perfectly welcome to get to know me and decide I'm a great person but the idea was just to filter out the most reactionary people who literally see a queer profile and get so annoyed they can't stand to look at it. (In reality, it seems to attract that negative attention so I don't rly even do it anymore). Not to mention obviously someone sharing your identity does not mean they are going to be wonderful and safe and care the least bit about your well-being (whether or not they're acting nice to you) so you should kinda treat ALL people by their actions. We're just talking about the pros and cons of disclosing a tiny part of one's identity on a social media profile and one of the pros was that it drives away a lot of obnoxious people who can't handle anything but fashy uniformity.

Sorry hope I don't sound hostile or something.

2

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

You don’t sound hostile! I appreciate your insight! I’m sorry you are treated differently. People can be so short sighted and their biases can prevent some from having awesome experiences.That sucks. Something I wish I learned sooner is that you deserve to be every bit of who you are. If you that make someone uncomfortable just being yourself that’s their problem not yours. It’s also their loss. Wishing you well in your journey!

2

u/Awkward_Host7 Jan 20 '22

When I was kid I used to put my ethnicity in my bio via flags. So I could find other people like me, with similar backgrounds.

Thats how I would meet people who knew my aunty's or uncle's in different cities. Because we would all be part of a community. That knew mostly everyone.

I don't do it anymore. Because its now seen as cringy in many ethnic groups, since a lot of white girls tend to put random flags in their bio. So if I was to put a flag in my bio, now, it would come across as stuck up or snobby as if I thought I was better than people.

Edit: I'm not saying its that same. But maybe its similar. To help find others like you. And to let other know.

3

u/musicallykairi Jan 20 '22

I did it to make sure whoever I was talking to was cool with that. I don't want to like a guy, get serious with him, and then experience heartbreak because I am just as capable of loving a woman as I am a man.

4

u/TheMaskOfCosmo Jan 20 '22

I just like to rub it in my conservative Christian family's face as much as possible.

2

u/Dependent-Scarcity30 Jan 21 '22

I'm Mr Meeseeks LOOK AT ME!

3

u/AggravatingAd1810 Jan 20 '22

Well why not? They don't care if you know their sexual preferences. Maybe it stops people from hitting on them unnecessarily.

-1

u/mgquantitysquared Jan 20 '22

I do it as a litmus test for assholes. It’s also a fun little tidbit about me, kinda personal touch.

1

u/alfred0906 Jan 20 '22

Because they need attention.

1

u/alphanumericusername Jan 20 '22

I'm bi but I try not to broadcast it because that would probably make it rather difficult to get a job.

0

u/digitaldisgust Jan 20 '22

If people are interested in you or if you wanna avoid having to admit it to every new person we talk to lol

1

u/TishMiAmor Jan 20 '22

I think Tumblr had a role in this, and unlike a lot of people who bring up Tumblr on Reddit, I don’t necessarily mean that in a negative way. Positionality is really important in tumblr culture because a ton of the things people argue about are ultimately linked to race, gender, sexuality, etc. If you’re in a discussion about whether XYZ is good or bad representation for a group, one of the most important things in the Tumblr setting is whether you’re a part of that group. That’s led to a lot of people leading with identity in their headers, and I think it’s diffused from there. The other things people are mentioning here are also a factor, but Tumblr is where I’ve seen “putting your identities at the top of your page” practiced earliest and most commonly. From there it seems to have moved to Tiktok and Twitter.

1

u/TishMiAmor Jan 20 '22

Tumblr’s incredibly user-hostile interface also contributes to this. You can end up in a discussion with essentially anyone and unlike e.g. Facebook where you’re like “who in the one mutual friend is this?” and click on their name and have a reasonable chance of seeing some information on their profile, Tumblr takes you to a user’s page and it’s like “here are their posts that blew up the most, whether they liked it or not. If you want to scroll forever through five hundred reblogs to try to figure out what this person’s actual deal is, go for it— oops, it crashed.” I think this is also why elaborate carrds became a thing among, like… fourteen year olds. They wanted to be able to present a coherent and integrated image of themselves and they had to find a work around. They would have loved MySpace.

1

u/ColdPR Jan 20 '22

Would assume a combination of displaying pride in their identity and an easy way to filter out homophobes while drawing in other LGBT+ people.

1

u/blkmamba2 Jan 21 '22

Thank you for posting this. This is something I have always been curious about as well. Kudos!

1

u/KirikaNai Jan 21 '22

Its definitly for filtering flirty dms. If you're lesbian and a guy dms you intrested, you'll feel a little bad turning him down. But if someone dms you despite you having "I'm gay" in some way shape or form in your bio, you're free to feel guilt free in messing with them or turning them down hard. If they saw your bio and still flirt messaged you, chances are they're not that swell a person

1

u/Coffeelover69420aaaa Jan 21 '22

We make our own respresentation. While representation in media nowadays is on the rise, it’s still not enough for many people.

Imagine how it would be if you were only seeing lesbian couples on tv but you’re heterosexual, and keep questioning your normality.

It’s important for us.

1

u/Revolutionary-Boat70 Jan 21 '22

The government's business, evidently. And anyone's who doesn't like it.

Anyway, I keep seeing this question pop up on Reddit in different forms the past couple days. While I can't speak for everyone, I believe it's to do with marginalization. A lot of people's default mindset when they look at someone is that they're a straight cis person. It's a sense of pride and preservation of both community and self. The LGBTQ+ community has fought hard to gain some semblance of recognition and acceptance but there's still a long way to go. We're still very much in the stage that if we aren't vocal about it, we will lose what we've gained, and there is still further to go. Straight people don't advertise that they're straight because they just assume that's the default and that everyone assumes the same, and they're more or less right. Broadcasting that you're not can be a way of saying "I'm here, and I matter. I deserve every bit of recognition and respect as straight people and I'm not going to let you forget that".

Or...they're just trying to get a date.

In any case, it's sort of an individual representation of the way media tends to only ever portray straight, cis, white people. Though that does seem to be getting very slowly better.

1

u/SepticMonke Jan 22 '22

i guess it’s because we can, especially if you’re surrounded by lgbtphobic people irl and they have no idea who you are on social media. everyone around me is lgbtphobic. my sister is becoming more understanding though. i can hide behind this screen and safely say that i’m asexual, biromantic, and transgender without worrying about my safety. it just feels nice to be free