r/memes Professional Dumbass Dec 08 '21 All-Seeing Upvote 3 Buff Doge 1 Silver 90 Platinum 1 Helpful 92 Wholesome 97

I don't like where this is going.

100.5k Upvotes

8.5k

u/EinarTh97 Dec 08 '21 Helpful Wholesome

Boys know what boys like

4.0k

u/MotorHum Dec 08 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome

I know what boys like

Boys like

Boys like me

1.0k

u/Budgiebrain222 Dec 08 '21

You're every man's favourite. You're such a nice person.

327

u/Random_Idiotic_Alien Professional Dumbass Dec 08 '21

But but u my Favret. Wi- will u have ice cream with mee?

164

u/flip1999- Dec 08 '21 Silver

What about Brett FavRaa?

46

u/ExperienceGravity Dec 08 '21

Bruh this is so random running into this meme in the wild lmao.

Then again, that’s the power of celebrity man Brett FavRaa.

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93

u/Zestyclose_Owl_9580 Dec 08 '21

Yes. We like you MotorHum. You are the best.

5

u/RealLuckyDiamond Dec 08 '21

we practice it in the shower everyday

22

u/feetinmilk Dec 08 '21

na na na na na

na na na na na

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86

u/-RUN-CMC- Dec 08 '21

This man is clearly quoting teen beach movie. C'mon guys

15

u/dannywarbucks11 Dec 08 '21

Fucking love those songs.

14

u/snoopy1234776 Breaking EU Laws Dec 08 '21

I’m going to watch teen beach movie now

36

u/justicedragon101 Dec 08 '21

The nostalgia

43

u/Honest-Donuts Dec 08 '21

The dude has sucked his own dick... that is how he knows.

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13

u/THEmoron21 Dec 08 '21

As a straight male i can confirm

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14

u/MyPeePeeHurrtz Dec 08 '21

Please have my babies. No homo.

11

u/elirx215 Dec 08 '21

I know what girls like Girls like Girls like me

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224

u/nutsnackk Dec 08 '21

This logic is stupid. Its not because I sucked dick before that I know how to teach suck dick methodology, its because my boys suck my dick so well I asked them for their advice.

103

u/DoYouMindIfIAsk_ Dec 08 '21 edited Dec 09 '21

i once watched an instructive porn video with 2 girls. She showed me that you can slip your fingers upwards towards the roof of the vagina and you can put enough pressure there. The other girl really seemed to be into it. I tried this out and it seemed to be really effective. So...you're welcome?

67

u/TheDriestOne Dec 08 '21

That’s where the G-spot is!! I learned that from an instructional porno too lmao

95

u/Jacubbb123 Big ol' bacon buttsack Dec 08 '21

Instructions unclear dick stuck in toaster

35

u/GuestOfPolynesia Dec 08 '21

Just add more oil based lube and turn it on

12

u/Jacubbb123 Big ol' bacon buttsack Dec 09 '21

Bro my fro :(

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5

u/YG425 Dec 09 '21

Source I need to know

10

u/Mudrag Dec 09 '21

Das da g-spot, dawg

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64

u/Extra_Pen911 Dec 08 '21 Helpful

Good boy

29

u/Ranku_Abadeer Dec 08 '21

You wield too much power with those words.

8

u/Gaetano9696 Dec 08 '21

Fndhajdkskkskdksjshshfskf 🥺🥺🥺💕💕💕

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86

u/Past_Pineapple4501 Scrolling on PC Dec 08 '21

I always say to ppl if i turned gay i could suck your dick better then your gf can

87

u/Clipboard_cop2 Dec 09 '21

That's a weird thing to always say to people

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13

u/EstPC1313 Dec 08 '21

im waiting

14

u/Past_Pineapple4501 Scrolling on PC Dec 09 '21

im not gay yet

4

u/EstPC1313 Dec 09 '21

what are you waiting for

5

u/Past_Pineapple4501 Scrolling on PC Dec 09 '21

to turn gay or it to be no homo

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2.5k

u/lxoxol Dec 08 '21 Helpful Wholesome

There are only two type of men
Those who have tried to suck their own dick and those who lie

813

u/theguyyouforgotabout Dec 08 '21 Wholesome

Actually, apparently ~1/400 men can suck their own dick

I used to be able to... its probably why I got scoliosis at 14

350

u/thcidiot Dec 08 '21

I have heard that sucking your own dick is more like giving head than getting it. Care to weigh in?

468

u/I8Canadians Dec 08 '21

I was able to do it once when I was like 13. I think I pulled a muscle in my back getting down there and was in pain for about a week. Can confirm that it felt more like a head in my mouth than my head in a mouth. 0/10

226

u/Humor_Tumor Dec 08 '21

A friend of a friend went to the doctor for back pain when we were younger, the doctor asked his mom to leave the room and asked him if he'd been sexually active.

He said 'yeah' and the Doc (who pretty much knew instantly) warned him about back injuries that can occur trying to do that.

80

u/matheusnb99 Dec 08 '21

Yes... But is worth it

68

u/Dogbowlthirst Dec 08 '21

If you like sucking dick. I think the sensors in the brain only send you one signal.

25

u/Victor_710 Dec 09 '21

Yeah it's basically the same logic as : If you massage your own body even with the perfect techniques it doesn't really feel good or relaxing

4

u/OtHanski Dec 09 '21

Well, with massaging there's the added complication that for a proper massage you should relax the muscles being massaged, which is usually quite difficult to do while trying to do the massaging yourself.

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54

u/Weedweednomi Dec 08 '21

Hahahhahahhaa

9

u/AmDino_Rooooooooar Dec 09 '21

Then does that make it gay?

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30

u/MagicalSpaceWizard77 Dec 08 '21

^ requesting answer

83

u/Malew8367 Dec 08 '21

I haven’t done it or even attempted to do it. But the reason it feels more like giving head than getting head is because there’s a lot more nerve endings on your lips and tongue than on your dick so you feel the sensation a lot more in your mouth than on your dick. Thank you for listening to my Ted Talk.

50

u/Possible-Secret-4786 Dec 08 '21

Also it's much more involved. It's near impossible to forget you're sucking your dick while sucking your dick. Also the back pain and fear you may cause permanent damage to it. Anyone let me know if they want to hear how I sucked my dick.

23

u/Malew8367 Dec 08 '21

ribs 8-12 prevent you from being able to commit such an act unless you have a rare condition that allows you to do it typically. Against my better judgment I’m curious how you did it.

57

u/punchmytoast Dec 08 '21

Rare condition = long dick.

38

u/KotoriNoShogai Dec 08 '21

At the doctor's office: I am very sorry you have a very rare condition...

Guy: THATS TERRIBLE WHat is it?!?

DOCTOR; sadly you have a case of biggus dickus

10

u/thnksqrd Dec 08 '21

Better than Incontentia Buttocks

6

u/punchmytoast Dec 08 '21

Oh no!

Anyway..

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119

u/SecretlyLyingToYou Dec 08 '21

All that means is that those that suck their own dicks don't tell lies and those who tell lies don't suck their own dicks.

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16

u/Picard_Indeed Dec 08 '21

Then there are those that succeed. They go on to live forever in the halls of Valhalla.

9

u/pillow_pete Dec 08 '21

That is honestly what it feels like when you succeed. Followed by “wtf did I just do”

3

u/Picard_Indeed Dec 08 '21

Pretty sure most people that get into Valhalla have that same follow up reaction for whatever they did.

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3.4k

u/bob_the_banannna I saw what the dog was doin Dec 08 '21 edited Dec 09 '21

....so you see some people are very flexible

EDIT: this is the most likes I have ever got on a comment

Thank you reddit

864

u/asianabsinthe Dec 08 '21 edited Dec 08 '21

We're all envious of them.

Edit: I guess I'm wrong. Mind blown. I'll stick to someone else sigh

588

u/bob_the_banannna I saw what the dog was doin Dec 08 '21 Silver

I still remember that one time during bath when i tried to suck my boi

All i got was a broken rib

518

u/asianabsinthe Dec 08 '21

When you hear bones cracking you're supposed to stop.

627

u/bob_the_banannna I saw what the dog was doin Dec 08 '21 edited Dec 09 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome I am disappoint

Sometimes horny defeats logic

EDIT: whoever gave me the awards

Thank you

161

u/HelloGoodby31 FORTSHITE Dec 08 '21

ah that one time I took a hammer and slammed it backwards against my back to snap it in half to be able to such my own thing

76

u/Gaetano9696 Dec 08 '21

The obvious solution

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u/IceCreamBoy333 Dec 08 '21

When you hear bones crack it's already too late.

35

u/135686492y4 iwrestledabeartwice Dec 08 '21

All i got was a broken rib

That's qhy Fannunzio removed his

10

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

[removed] — view removed comment

12

u/135686492y4 iwrestledabeartwice Dec 08 '21

An italian guy. Also faked his own death to get famous, had an biplane and a torpedo boat in his house. Died with lots of debts

6

u/Pragmatist_Hammer Dec 09 '21

had an biplane and a torpedo boat in his house.

Wait, doesn't everybody? I even keep spares just in case.

12

u/Andreus2009 Dec 08 '21

Is a urban legend, but it is fake

11

u/larsNzi Lives in a Van Down by the River Dec 08 '21

For some reason I could do it two times

13

u/bob_the_banannna I saw what the dog was doin Dec 08 '21

Sir, are you the chosen one

3

u/No_Librarian_4016 Dec 09 '21

The big hurdle is having a big enough dick, I can only reach past the tip

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26

u/Beniidel0 Dec 08 '21

Don't be, the sensation is like trying to tickle oneself. Source: I'm an ex gymnast

7

u/noob_like_pro Breaking EU Laws Dec 08 '21

Tickle your left side with your right arm.

67

u/Purple_K Dec 08 '21

You shouldn’t be. It feels less like getting your dick sucked but feels more like sucking dick.

87

u/dejvidBejlej Dec 08 '21 Helpful

I'm bi, I don't have such weaknesses

8

u/Aprianex Dec 09 '21

ayy my kind

19

u/CencyG Dec 08 '21

Hey, as long as it's consensual I'm not judging.

You start pinning your own hips down and we'll have some questions.

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20

u/A_snake_in_you_re_bo Dec 08 '21

You really shouldn’t be. It does not feel like you are being given a blow job, it feels like you are the one giving a blow job

19

u/A_snake_in_you_re_bo Dec 08 '21

Info from a friend, of course

11

u/guimontag Dec 09 '21

It's really not that great and ideally you want the tongue to work the bottom of the tip, which you can't do on yourself. Imagine sucking someone's dick as a straight only to get a middling blowjob while you have to do situps

3

u/bleach_tastes_bad Dec 09 '21

you can’t do that on yourself?

6

u/Aethenae Dec 08 '21

Well, for the people interested, this is called autofellatio.

3

u/Ron_Way Dec 09 '21

There was a wikiHow on it lol I think they removed it now

4

u/Ron_Way Dec 09 '21

Don't ask me how I know

3

u/Imayoutuber4hire Dec 08 '21

nah, my friends think I'm gay, FYI tho, it doesn't feel great, it's like you're sucking a dick not like you're getting your dick sucked

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u/Klutzinsky Dec 08 '21

It all started when Marilyn Manson had 2 of his ribs surgically removed to be able to please himself...

51

u/Justice_Prince Yo dawg I heard you like Dec 08 '21

I remember reading somewhere that multiple generations had versions of this same rumor. Originally the rumor was about David Bowie until in the 80's it switched to being about Prince, and then eventually settled on Marilyn Manson.

27

u/milesbeatlesfan Dec 08 '21

It’s like Beowulf; a tale passed down orally (pun intended?) that evolves and changes through time. Beautiful.

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914

u/JscJake1 Lurker Dec 08 '21

20 bucks is 20 bucks

265

u/Guapo_Avocado Dec 08 '21

In high school this was my go to saying if I ever got questioned about anything homosexual

109

u/JscJake1 Lurker Dec 08 '21

As a high schooler it's mine too

We are not so different you and I

12

u/Ok_Fuel_8876 Dec 08 '21

I used to say “10 bucks is 10 bucks.”

Inflation is a thing.

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u/[deleted] Dec 09 '21

Id just straight up said Im gay and make adicional sexual advances and then everyone would asume it was ironic and laugh.

It wasnt ironic though

4

u/-guccibanana- Dec 08 '21

Floor is made out of floor

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1.4k

u/Yeti-31 Dec 08 '21 Helpful

sometimes you gotta give the homies that gluck gluck

437

u/handsomellama28 Karmawhore Dec 08 '21

The dual rotating-hands vacuum gawk gawk 9000

170

u/antniomanso Dec 08 '21

the Dyson Outsize Absolute+ 4K UHD 60FPS HDR glizzy gobbler

78

u/Entercheesynamehere Identifies as a Cybertruck Dec 08 '21

The Yamaha 200 100hp V4 gargle-blaster

65

u/Jacubbb123 Big ol' bacon buttsack Dec 08 '21

The Milwaukee M12 Double Rotating Pulsating Penis Pulverizer with extra battery and charger

34

u/Rampanttr_th Dec 08 '21

Was that your nickname in school?

26

u/Jacubbb123 Big ol' bacon buttsack Dec 08 '21

Yeth

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15

u/devilsephiroth Dec 08 '21

Sometimes, you gotta give head

TO GET AHEAD

100

u/trostyboysbadluck Dec 08 '21

I wish I had a glock glock to shoot myself before I read this :d

24

u/OKara061 Dec 08 '21

not a real homiesexual i suppose

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u/MrKrazybones Dec 08 '21

You just brought up a repressed memory. I saw a video earlier this year of this streamer or cam girl or whatever she did a video on her bed where she kept doing adhego eyes and talking about how she would give excellent gluck gluck and talking in weeb. I cringed so hard my face hit the mouse and closed the video

10

u/trash_alchemist Dec 08 '21

for my personal safety, can you give me the link so I can make sure to never come across it?

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6

u/IndependentFormal8 Plays MineCraft and not FortNite Dec 09 '21

Brojobs

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138

u/RGNlingling https://www.youtube.com/watch/dQw4w9WgXcQ Dec 08 '21

we practice on the homies, its not gay

53

u/Leonisia Dec 08 '21

As long as you have your socks on and you say the magic formula of "no homo", it's alright.

30

u/anythingMuchShorter Dec 09 '21

It's true me and my brosband have been together 14 years but we said no homo at the wedding and when adopting each of our kids.

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u/DogeKhayyam Dec 08 '21

May God have mercy on your DMs

83

u/hakamamalo Dec 08 '21

Pretty pathetic that the first two words of the post are "my boyfriend" but we all know what her DMs are gonna look like anyway.

To anyone who sends a creepy DM in response to this post; touch grass.

27

u/JawBreaker00 Dec 09 '21

OP could be a dude then we would have an obvious answer to his query

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1.3k

u/frazzled_confusion Dec 08 '21 Silver

It's his dick, not like he would know what he wants done to it or anything, right? Clearly he's gay and that's the only possibility.

494

u/-TheArchitect OC Meme Maker Dec 08 '21

As someone who sucks his own dick, I can confirm.

188

u/Saikyo100 Dec 08 '21

Flexible gang rise up

218

u/isaacpotter007 Dec 08 '21 Helpful

Curl up*

45

u/Moist-Carpet888 Dec 08 '21

Why not both

7

u/DoYouMindIfIAsk_ Dec 08 '21

great im jumping now

12

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

Already raised buddy

8

u/jejenb Dec 08 '21

broken back, never again

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u/LJChao3473 Dec 08 '21

From what i read, it feels more like sucking someone else's dick than someone sucking your dick. Can you confirm this?

Edit: asking for science

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57

u/SlidePaste Dec 08 '21

Maybe some other girl sucked him off before. And now knows what he wants.

18

u/Principatus Dec 08 '21

Obviously, right? No teeth scrape, no slobber everywhere, go all the way down the shaft and not just the tip only… people with penises are much more qualified to know what good fellatio involves.

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u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

[deleted]

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u/Careful-Marketing-71 Dec 08 '21

Not his dick our dick

40

u/PuzzleheadedPage3022 Dec 08 '21

Soviet anthem plays

8

u/prkr88 Dec 08 '21

Hello, my name is dicko belic, I come to liberty City for the good stuff.

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u/usernameJutsu Dec 08 '21

This. You may not like it but most of the dudes you’ve met would please a dick 1000% better than most of the females you’ve met.

13

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

Never once has he seen a porn and was like "hey that looks cool"

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133

u/CloverNoodle Dec 08 '21

Buy a dildo and ask him to teach you

40

u/JojenReed2 Dec 08 '21

Only if she’s willing to go down on his fleshlight first.

26

u/awesomebutcool Dec 08 '21

I’m straight but I’m 100% sure I could suck dick better than 99% of women in the world. Why? Because ik what feels good and what doesn’t lmao

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467

u/TheDarkLord777 Dec 08 '21 Silver

Have you ever told someone how to lick you out ?

426

u/qx7691 Dec 08 '21 Helpful Calculating

I, for one, have never heard the phrase “lick you out”. Take this award. 🥇 all I got.

169

u/NinjaCuntPunt Dec 08 '21

Fine. Tongue punch.

63

u/HeartBehindBars Dec 08 '21

God dammit Jerry, no more tongue punching fartboxes

28

u/Chaps_Jr Dec 08 '21

I prefer to speedbag the butt clit

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u/TheDarkLord777 Dec 08 '21

It’s what we used to say eons ago, before licking fart boxes was a thing. Cave drawings of Devonian age man …. Person, with his head in the nether area of a partner had puzzled Victorian anthropologists for years, leading them to believe it was merely a mutual grooming exercise to remove fleas, ticks and digestive crumbs. It wasn’t until the early 20th century when British soldiers would get to do the sex on French nurses during the Great War that it became accepted that what great, great, great (ad infinitum ) grandad Gerald was actually doing was troughing out his Mrs before administering a serious portion of homo erectus.

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u/Murderyoga Dec 08 '21

Why would a girl know that tho? Knowing what pleases you makes you gay right OP?

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u/SadlyNotADonkey Dec 08 '21

See one, do one, teach one

10

u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

It's not gay if it's underway!

5

u/jumpysinking73 Dec 09 '21

Why are you geh?!

210

u/HorseErection07 Dec 08 '21

So are you gay or am I witnessing a female Redditor?

152

u/prog_d0nkey Dec 08 '21

Just a shitposter, he's also got a wife, 5 children and a mustache

33

u/ultronslair Dec 08 '21

Hey don’t bring me into this conversation.

3

u/veerKg_CSS_Geologist Dec 09 '21

Hey, Mr. Moustache! Have you joined hands with Mr. Chin Beard?

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u/SecretlyLyingToYou Dec 08 '21

OP is a gay man wondering why his boyfriend knows how to suck dick. Don't be like OP. Be understanding of your partner's sexual history

24

u/Xmerj1611 Dec 08 '21

Impossible

26

u/dark_abyss94 Dec 08 '21

there's no female reddittor, just your average reddittor making this meme/gif possible

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10

u/simjanes2k Dec 08 '21

this is reddit

it's a bot

3

u/JebBushNutRag Dec 08 '21

Jesus christ dude

3

u/TheGiant1989 Dec 08 '21

Women don’t Reddit, it is known

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u/Kallen_Emilia Dec 08 '21

I know this is going to get buried, but when I gave my boyfriend oral for the first time a couple of nights ago, he told me what he liked and didn't like, so I could adjust my mouth, tongue, hands, ect.

It's not "gay" for a man to tell a woman how he likes his dick sucked, it's perfectly normal.

Communication is key in any relationship, intimate, or not.

17

u/Pawn_captures_Queen Dec 08 '21

That's normal. First time I went down on my gf she told me where to lick and how soft/hard. Told me when she wanted it slower or faster. Eventually I learned her body language and could read her like a book. She never lasted more than 5-10 mins, unless I wanted her too. Sometimes I liked to drag it out for as long as possible. Communication is definitely key during sex. Oral sex is kinda my thing so I usually drag it out as long as I can lol, but eventually a girl just wants to finish.

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u/Classy-Carter Dec 08 '21

“It’s not gay to _____, it’s actually perfectly normal.” Bruh being gay is normal too wtf

4

u/AmarjotMultani Dec 09 '21

op phrased it kinda weird, but it’s definitely not what he meant to say dude, given the benefit of the doubt. Maybe (It doesn’t make you gay to tell a woman how you like it, it’s completely fine) would have been a better phrasing I guess.

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u/[deleted] Dec 08 '21

[deleted]

32

u/Switch_Alone Dec 08 '21 Wholesome

I've sucked dick once and it was pretty intuitive, most guys probably suck dick better than girls.

8

u/Steadfast_Truth Dec 08 '21

God bless a good UI.

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27

u/NoConsideration8361 Dec 08 '21

So strange that a dude with a dick knows what feels good to his dick

110

u/Notsure107 Dec 08 '21

My girlfriend telling me where to lick her vagina.

Me wondering how she knows.

This is fucking stoopid, how did it get so many votes? Didn't know there was that many stoopid people on redit.

14

u/AthleticAndGeeky Dec 08 '21

This is the way

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u/SumBoooooooooDe Dec 08 '21

Less teeth babe it's that simple

95

u/DMBeme Dec 08 '21

He's bisexual what's the issue?

46

u/AeonAigis Dec 08 '21

haha le man r/suddenlygay only women can be bi upvotes to the left ex dee

I hate this site.

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5

u/yee_4769 Dec 08 '21

What happens with the homies, stays with the homies

6

u/origonalusername Dec 08 '21

Girls- "you need to communicate more, tell me what you like"

*Boy communicates

Girls- "why are you gay?"

18

u/Traditional_Eye_782 Dec 08 '21

because that's what we do in sleepover

4

u/The_gay_potato_ Dec 08 '21

I was never here

4

u/BlackMiamba Dec 08 '21

Lol I know this is a joke but think how do you know how you’d like to be eaten out?

4

u/Adolf-Jackson1214 Dec 08 '21

Thats what homies are for

3

u/mister-x12 Dec 08 '21

Because other girls has his dick in their mouth before!

3

u/SAMAS_zero Dec 08 '21

He's not teach you to suck "dick", he's teaching you how to suck his dick.

Granted, that does mean he's had It sucked enough to know exactly how he likes it, so that may or may not be a concern for you.

3

u/x4nter Dec 08 '21

Holy shit OP's got an abnormally high post karma to post ratio.

3

u/CSA-Joe Dec 09 '21

I’ve sucked a dudes dick before and he legit said it was the best he had and I’m proud of that low key. My girlfriend asks for my input on a lot of shit like that soooo 🤷‍♂️

3

u/Genshingod2930 Dec 09 '21

You gotta suck the homies off before bed and they do it back to you it is mutal and not gay because it the homies

3

u/CharonDynami Dec 09 '21

That's when you burn her and let her know you just want her to do it like her best friend.

3

u/AirborneAce01 Dec 09 '21

If one is to understand the mystery, one must study all its aspects

3

u/CarolaBlankenship Dec 09 '21

I learned that from an instructional porno too lmao