r/therewasanattempt Jan 19 '22 Silver 1 Helpful 4

To Appreciate Your Employees

Post image
18.7k Upvotes

2.4k

u/olavla Jan 19 '22

Other prizes included:

  • you won a hug by the boss
  • you won the freedom to find a new job
  • we raise your salary with $0.03/h

And

  • a party with your co-workers (outside work hours and on your own budget)

700

u/Henry-McCoy Jan 19 '22

...

"You get to finish early, after you've done 9hrs work, or it's 6pm, whichever comes last"

85

u/olavla Jan 19 '22

🤣 good one!

31

u/PalatialCheddar Jan 20 '22

Jokes on them, I always finish early.

11

u/theMoMoMonster Jan 20 '22

This cut me deep

12

u/BarksAtIdiots Jan 20 '22

Only thing that's deep around here amirite?

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5

u/SappySoulTaker Jan 20 '22

I'll be there 5pm sharp.

111

u/Hypertension123456 Jan 19 '22

we raise your salary with $0.03/h

This seems unrealistic. How about a meeting where you get to try and convince your boss that your salary by $0.03/h? They'll laugh and say no (they have to because their boss won't let them raise your salary anyway).

18

u/olavla Jan 20 '22

Haha, you are right. I thought that a $0.03/h raise was already more than insulting, but a negotiation and then being laughed at is even more frustrating.

-2

u/WurthWhile Jan 20 '22

Out of raw curiosity what country/region are you from? I've simply never heard of someone abbreviating hour with just an H.

5

u/olavla Jan 20 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

Xxxxxxx, xxx, USA.

Redacted to not doxx myself

0

u/WurthWhile Jan 20 '22

Interesting. Kind of makes me happy I guessed correctly. Whats you native language? $/H is fine technically, not like there's a rule about it. Just highly abnormal

2

u/olavla Jan 20 '22 edited Jan 21 '22

-xxxxxxxxxxx-. Redacted to not doxx myself.

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5

u/No_Salamanders Jan 20 '22

Youre an annoying person for feeling the need to ask this

3

u/murphysadvocate Jan 20 '22

You're a petulant bitch for feeling the need to start this

1

u/No_Salamanders Jan 20 '22

You’re a loser for keeping this going

2

u/WurthWhile Jan 20 '22

Oh yes because one of the worst things a person can be is curious or eager to learn something.

2

u/freelurk2019 Jan 20 '22

իմ մայրենի լեզուն հայերենն է

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55

u/lone_cajun Jan 19 '22

Grand Prize: forget raises, pizza party instead

28

u/Bizarre-_-Panda Jan 19 '22

And you get Little Caesar’s

82

u/lone_cajun Jan 19 '22

Little Caesars: “We have pizza and its hot and ready!”

Me: “Is it good?”

Little Caesars: “We said its hot and ready”

28

u/SpitFyre37 Jan 19 '22

Honestly that's all I really need. I can't be the only one who likes Little Caesar's, right?

20

u/John_Browns_Body59 Jan 20 '22

No you're not. I like it a lot because I'm a big fan of plain cheese or just pepperoni. Honestly better than dominos/pizza hut/big chains

4

u/lone_cajun Jan 20 '22

Not all pizza is created equally

4

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

I acknowledge that Little Caesar's isn't "good" pizza.

But I love it and sometimes it is all that I crave.

9

u/caalger Jan 20 '22

I have no shame admitting that I like Little Caesars. It's as good as Hut or Domino's and half the price. Beats every frozen pizza. To get better you have to go up a tier to a real Neapolitan style pizzeria and those are $20+ for a pizza.

Slices on the corner in Manhattan or Brooklyn are good but they are what they are - pizza to be rolled and stuffed while you walk... They're not the best but I have to do it every time I'm in the City for some reason.

7

u/raisearuckus Jan 20 '22

Try Screamin' Sicilian pizza. It's my favorite frozen pizza, better than any chain pizza place I've ever had.

5

u/caalger Jan 20 '22

I have a couple of them in the freezer and I agree it's the best frozen pizza out there.... But the crust is still shit. That's what always holds back the frozen pizzas.

On top of that, outside of a sale price, they're more expensive than Little Caesars. Can't beat hot N ready.

3

u/raisearuckus Jan 20 '22

Different taste I guess. I love the crust. I also hate little Caesars, dominos is my go to chain pizza. But I'd take a Screamin Sicilian over dominos any day.

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3

u/Cosmonauts1957 Jan 20 '22

Hadn’t had unit years till last month. For the price and convenience - solid pizza.

3

u/cat_handcuffs Jan 20 '22

I fucking love crazybread like hobos love tying their stuff up in a hankie and hanging it on a stick.

2

u/PalatialCheddar Jan 20 '22

I love it! We have a lot of options but choose them often.

2

u/margretnix Jan 22 '22

I used to live right around the corner from a Little Caesar's. When it was that convenient it was very much good enough, lol.

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16

u/Tiabb Jan 19 '22

A .03 raise is way too much. More likely to get "we'll seriously consider a small raise during you next performance review, so long as you've never called in sick or came to work even a minute late"

5

u/Old_Information_ Jan 20 '22

My favorite raise I ever received was 3 cents. Put me right at minimum wage to the penny. Came with amazing words of appreciation like: “I am required to inform you that you received a raise. You only got this raise because you legally have to be at minimum wage. You’re welcome.”

72

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

You forgot the quotes around "hug".

Also, /r/antiwork will get a kick out of this.

9

u/olavla Jan 19 '22

Hahah, indeed.

23

u/RandyMarshReincarnat Jan 20 '22

That subreddit seems awesome but I genuinely get stressed and angry reading the horror stories on there because they’re so damn relatable. I think it’s better for my mental health to not think about work at all when I’m not working

9

u/over_clox Jan 20 '22

True that, that's totally understandable really. Still it's also very enlightening for people to realize they're not alone and to have a place to discuss these shitty things and reach general agreements on where to draw the line and either demand better or seek better elsewhere.

7

u/coffeejn Jan 20 '22

Why even bother with these cards. This is just plain insulting and a waste of money. Can't afford a pay raise, but we can afford these scratch and win cards that will pass off the employees. "What do you mean no one wants to work here anymore?"

7

u/planetinyourbum Jan 19 '22

a party with your co-workers (outside work hours and on your own budget)

I was so fucking disappointed when we got half a day off (unpaid) to drinking and eat food (own budget). No more.

6

u/Stereomceez2212 Jan 19 '22

You can wear your favorite Hawaiian shirt this Friday!

2

u/olavla Jan 20 '22

Hahah good one!

6

u/oojiflip Jan 19 '22

That's still 32 dollars

5

u/olavla Jan 19 '22

Per year.

5

u/oojiflip Jan 19 '22

Ehh I'll take it

2

u/GluttonAsteroth Jan 20 '22

"Pizza Party"

1

u/Gidje123 Jan 19 '22

Are you for real?

11

u/olavla Jan 19 '22

I'm doing my best to be funny.

1

u/Gidje123 Jan 19 '22

Appreciated! I thought it was real. Time for bed

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1.0k

u/mahoukami Jan 19 '22

"You've been promoted to customer!"

123

u/jr8787 Jan 20 '22

“You’ve been promoted to bystander!”

30

u/ChuckFina74 Jan 20 '22

Did you work for Apple? Oof.

10

u/morfsucks Jan 20 '22

Beat me to it lmao

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1.2k

u/oddllama25 Jan 19 '22

wtf is "an" unpaid time off?

958

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

It's where you skip the next day of work, and the employer looks at this thing and says "This isn't a doctor's excuse, you're fired!"

75

u/mitchij2004 Jan 20 '22

Do they have the staff to pull this shit anymore? Unpaid time off? Uhh I’m paid hourly if I didn’t show up something fucked up happened I don’t feel like I need a card to allow this lol.

38

u/over_clox Jan 20 '22

Not really, the last company I worked computer tech repair for is so stupid without me that they'll replace motherboards where a simple CMOS reset will fix it. And I rightly don't give a flying fuck either, I spent a LOT longer learning my skills to narrow down the problem than is worth wasting my time for $10 an hour.

I'm an on call electronic locksmith now, fuck 'em.

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5

u/PsychoAgent Jan 20 '22

Yay infinite time off!

160

u/GluttonAsteroth Jan 20 '22

When I used to work at a call center, if things were slow, Workforce Management would offer "VTO" - this was "Voluntary Time Off" - unpaid, of course, but they would let you go home to ensure that they weren't just having bodies sitting around doing nothing.

The only reason folks even took it was because the job was so mentally exhausting that a reprieve to the suffering was appreciated. Even if there was a cut in pay...

This was a testament to how shitty the job was, not a benefit.

What's worse was, some set-up automatic e-mail rules to shoot a response back to the Workforce Management Group the second the VTO e-mail went out.....

So, WFM decided to send out a "Fake" e-mail - all the automatic replies? Black-listed...

Which, of course, defeats WFM purpose which was to reduce headcount.

Later, due to the blacklist, they weren't able to reduce headcount properly to save money.

Corporate Assholerly at all levels.

18

u/brrduck Jan 20 '22

Good ol WFM in Manila

16

u/mutantxproud Jan 20 '22

We called it "ooh" time. Out of here. It was always awesome until payday. 🙃

8

u/Glynnc Jan 20 '22

When I was assistant manager at Burger King, we had to do the same thing. Our “labor percentage” was the amount of the money we were using to pay our associates from the money we were bringing in. If that percentage got to high, people were getting sent home. If not one volunteered, I had to pick one. Really wasn’t fun, I didn’t stay at that job very long. I didn’t like taking peoples pay away like that when they were willing to work and doing a good job.

2

u/stickypix Jan 20 '22

best buy call center?

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2

u/Cr3X1eUZ Jan 20 '22

I guess that's preferable to being called in to work and then being told to go home after an hour when it turns out they're not that busy after all.

63

u/Donpure Jan 19 '22 Wholesome

Homie got fired. He just doesn’t know it yet.

114

u/MarkV43 Jan 19 '22

It is a "time off" work, where you are not working, but is also "unpaid", meaning your are not paid for it. To my understanding, if you're gonna offer a worker a time off, pay for it, cause an "unpaid time off" is just a time off with extra steps

79

u/oddllama25 Jan 19 '22

I know what unpaid time off is. I have never heard it quantified in non absolute units of time. is it an hour, a day, a week, a month?

45

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

You measure the time in bananas, duh.

9

u/MotherBathroom666 Jan 19 '22

“We” measure in bananas.

5

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

My apologies, I didn't include other Redditors. We it is then...

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5

u/jilliebean0519 Jan 20 '22

I mean it's one banana. What could it cost? 10 dollars?

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14

u/cat_handcuffs Jan 20 '22

It is 1.37 Jeremy Bearimies.

1

u/oddllama25 Jan 20 '22

That's almost 13 gallons of long chain protein polymers!

I really only replied to tell you I like your username.

11

u/thewonderfulpooper Jan 19 '22

I think it's in reference to the employees next weekend. They'll refrain from demanding he come in on his unpaid time off for once.

4

u/Darksirius Jan 20 '22

It sounds like it's ambiguous. You can "cash it in" for any unspecified amount of time off. However, if you do, you don't get paid... but you get a day and/or time off.

2

u/[deleted] Jan 19 '22

It’s (however many minutes it takes your boss to open a can of soup with an old can opener)X3

2

u/professorjaytee Jan 20 '22

Texans use the "Alamo" time unit, which is the amount of time it took the famous fort to fall to the Mexican army. It's short enough to make a convenient measure.

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u/AloneYogurt Jan 19 '22

Depending on your hourly rate (FT/PT) it's a day off. If it was me, it's be 7.5 hours, but if it's retail, it can be anywhere from 4-10 hours

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u/Normal_Kaleidoscope Jan 20 '22

Yeah what is that article doing there?

3

u/song4this Jan 19 '22

From AssholeSiri :

unpaid => no monay

time => like sand thru an hourglass

off => opposite of on

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410

u/A_Gh0st Jan 19 '22

So a suspension?

395

u/bassaleh Jan 19 '22

Congratulations for winning the chance to experience what getting fired feels like.

51

u/ughwhyamialive Jan 19 '22

See you are thinking about this all wrong

Use it on black friday or xmas

59

u/A_Gh0st Jan 19 '22

Bruh you know damn well that manager scrawled some fine print on the underside of his ballsack stating it doesn't apply to holidays

4

u/Ivory_0103 Jan 19 '22

Well that was really specific

6

u/A_Gh0st Jan 20 '22

I'm an evocative and imaginative man what can I say

121

u/blueistheonly1 Jan 19 '22

...you won a reduction in your wages?? is this real?

Edit: It is *old*. https://www.reddit.com/r/ABoringDystopia/comments/ff1kvf/michaels_rewarding_their_employees_with_prize/

29

u/WurthWhile Jan 20 '22

It's real. Although I can give more context because I have a relative that worked at Burlington coat factory that did these.

The prize is very greatly and they're basically scratch off lottery tickets. Supervisors can give them out with relatively little reason. For example if a customer tells a manager you did a good job they'll give you one.

Some of the prizes I have seen:

  • 1 Week paid vacation (supposedly there was once of these per year, never heard of someone getting it)

  • 1 day paid personal day (like a sick day, but you don't have to be sick)

  • $10-$100 gift card for the store

  • Free lunch, plus 1 hour paid lunch break

  • Free lunch ($25 gift card to fast food place of your choice).

16

u/wurnthebitch Jan 20 '22

1 Week paid vacation (supposedly there was once of these per year, never heard of someone getting it) 1 day paid personal day (like a sick day, but you don't have to be sick)

It is so sad to see this as a reward when it should be a basic right like we have in most of Europe....

12

u/pfabs Jan 20 '22

It's an extra paid week off.

We get vacation time in America.

5

u/kissmyhappyass420 Jan 20 '22

Perhaps YOU do.

-1

u/pfabs Jan 20 '22

My wife just went from 6 weeks to 7 weeks and I get four and a half.

But I also get unlimited sick time.

Yeah I get vacation

14

u/bluepepper Jan 20 '22

It's not a legal requirement in the US (at least not federal) and 1 in 4 workers don't get paid vacation days.

3

u/WalterBlackness Jan 20 '22

Even in Europe it says MOST workers are mandated paid time off. 🤷🏼‍♂️

4

u/Serving_The_News Jan 20 '22

The fuck we do.

-1

u/pfabs Jan 20 '22

Even my worst minimum wage. Absolutely horrible. Job gave me a week's vacation every year

4

u/blueistheonly1 Jan 20 '22

It is a bit of a shitty way to hand out benefits, don't you think? Like, just treat people like adults and let them ALL earn a week PTO.

2

u/WalterBlackness Jan 20 '22

I do believe they still do earn PTO this is just an extra week of it for free. As a gift. So no need to earn it, just scratch it off and boom you have a weed of paid time off that won't come off of what you've already accumulated. At least thats how it worked at a business I worked for many years ago who had a similar reward system.

1

u/jalapeno442 Jan 20 '22

Not all of us

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u/MrMurse93 Jan 19 '22

As shitty as this is, I can’t help but wonder if this was an idea by a manager that actually cares about their employees but despite asking corporate didn’t get approval to spend any money on them, so all they can do is offer no penalty the next time you call out.

Honestly I haven’t gotten anything this nice as a nurse… we get rocks and an actual inquisition if you try to call off

22

u/bdubble Jan 20 '22

It's a manufactured scratch-off card, so definitely corporate-level

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u/Previous-Can-6150 Jan 19 '22

Lmao its a retail job if i wanted unpaid time of just call in sick

45

u/camillastayshome Jan 19 '22

What, you don’t get paid for sick days? Where do you live?

67

u/LeprosyDick Jan 19 '22

‘Merica

4

u/mrizzerdly Jan 20 '22

Lol in MaliciousCompliance yesterday some guy thought 4 days a year PTO was great benefits.

Fucking merica is a 3rd world country and they don't know it.

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u/[deleted] Jan 19 '22 edited Mar 27 '22

[deleted]

28

u/camillastayshome Jan 19 '22

Wow, that is horrible! And especially for a job that is minimum wage. How can those people afford to be sick?

58

u/Hammy_B Jan 19 '22

That's the neat part, they can't!

20

u/PJxxxx Jan 19 '22

We dont.

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u/erizzluh Jan 20 '22

also probably part time so they don't offer any sort of benefits besides an employee discount.

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u/Enzyblox Jan 19 '22

Probably America, most jobs here aren’t like that

4

u/OniNomad Jan 20 '22

Do that 4 or 5 times in 6 months you'll have a whole lot of unpaid time off

20

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u/evilsir Jan 19 '22 edited Jan 19 '22

Shit, i hate to say it, but if work legit gave me an unpaid day off where i didn't have to jump through any hoops or explain why i needed a day off without being made to feel like an asshole, i gotta say ...

I'd take it all the same

98

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

That's not winning though, that's losing hours. Winning would be paid time off.

42

u/evilsir Jan 19 '22

I call it 'winning an emotional health day' all the same coz I'm willing to make that sacrifice.

Should i have to? No. Of course not. But the world is the way it is these days, and i can't exactly fully embrace r/antiwork's prime tenets at the moment.

16

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

I don't fully agree with the most extreme opinions you sometimes find on /r/antiwork, but I really do enjoy the freedom of being an on-call locksmith. Much of my time is free time, the only caveat is that I have to be ready to respond as quickly as I can to help when a hotel tennant is locked out of their hotel. Usually doesn't happen like that very often, but when it does, it doesn't take me long to resolve the issue.

2

u/MotherBathroom666 Jan 19 '22

Couldn’t you just stop by the lobby and get a replacement key?

9

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

The doors need to be reprogrammed occasionally. Electronic locks, powered by AA batteries, after a while those batteries leak and corrode shit. I rebuild and reprogram the locks.

4

u/MotherBathroom666 Jan 19 '22

Ahhh cool deal.

2

u/slouched Jan 20 '22

YEAHHHH, DONT YOU FEEL LIKE AN ASSHOLE NOW?

im sorry, i didnt mean that, i was thinking the exact same thing as you but had the benefit of reading their reply before saying it

youre a beautiful person<3

2

u/b4ud Jan 19 '22

Should i have to? No. Of course not.

I was going to reply saying you don't, just take a paid vacation day - then I realised Americans apparently commonly only have 10 paid vacation days per year available, sometimes 0 if you're new at a job.

That's quite fucked, isn't it? Here in Germany, if you work 5 days a week, the minimum is 20 paid vacation days, most employers offer 25 to 30.

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u/PinstripeMonkey Jan 19 '22

Idk, I'm of the opinion unpaid time off is like a half win. I get a good amount of paid time off, and don't make a lot but enough to be confortable on, and would gladly sacrifice a day's pay here or there if I could get another week or so off a year. With variable schedule shift work it is pretty meaningless though, as it costs the company nada and folks already (typically) have the option to request time off in advance.

2

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

I've never had paid time off in my life. Two years working for one particular computer repair company, and the boss (decent guy really) finally realized I could use a vacation. He offered me a week paid vacation starting the next week, and I gladly accepted. The next day (the vacation time hadn't begun yet), my coworker of one year came in whining and crying that he needed time off for some random unexpected shit. So I said fuckit, I let him have his time off and I worked instead. I can only guess his time off went unpaid though, that definitely wasn't part of the plan.

6

u/camillastayshome Jan 19 '22

Omg!! I have 6weeks paid holiday a year, and would not have it any other way. I work to live,not live to work.

3

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

Yeah, at the time this happened, the other guy was the only other technician working and we couldn't both take time off... My offered vacation time didn't come at a time where I critically needed the time off. I forget what the other dude's reason was, but I recall it was important enough for me to change my mind and go ahead and work instead.

Honestly I miss that old job, I still feel it was about the best team I ever worked with. But the boss was the boss, and his wife owned the company... Their divorce resulted in an almost instantaneous shutdown of the company... ☹️

3

u/MaleficentPizza5444 Jan 20 '22

It's the recipient's choice but let's see what happens when this person tries to claim the day off

1

u/over_clox Jan 20 '22

If it was me, and a day came up I wanted to cash in on this thing... If the boss had the nerve to ask me why I wanted that day off, I'd probably tell the boss "To spend some quality time masturbating to the Smurfs. You seem stressed lately, would you like to join me?"

I'm not known for taking fuckiness from employers, if I had to provide an answer upon cashing in this ticket, I'd probably already be ready to walk anyways.

2

u/AlexHimself Jan 19 '22

It's still winning. You've probably never worked a low paid, hourly job...that or you forget the experience.

The job pays you, but they also need you. It's not like you get to pick the days/hours you work.

Boss: This is a busy Saturday, we need you to work

Employee: I have concert tickets and a boat ride planned though!

Boss: Sorry your name is on the schedule...

Employee: quietly mumbles...but you make the schedule.

This little card is definitely a F-off I'm not coming in today for work...still a win. Prefer if it was paid though.

2

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

I've never had a regular hourly job pay over $13 an hour. Which honestly is pretty good considering entry level jobs here pay $8 to $9 an hour, but still... peanuts really.

But they needed me, so although I usually came in when they needed me, if I needed time off for other things, I'd just talk with my coworkers and explain what's up and tell them to figure it out for the next couple days or so.

1

u/AlexHimself Jan 19 '22

I mean are you intentionally being thick headed? Clearly your boss/coworkers were reasonable but do you not understand many other jobs are not that accommodating? There's a labor shortage now too, so it's even worse.

Being able to use that card to get a day of your choosing off without questions is winning. Definitely not losing.

2

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

It made no two shits to me whether my employer was reasonable about it, honestly he fucking hated me. But he needed me, I was the only tech with the knowledge it takes to repair specialized computers for industrial equipment.

If I needed a couple days off to replace my transmission at home and drink a few beers with my helper buddies, I would. Now I didn't just skip work for no good reason, there was always a reason behind my unplanned absences. But hell, if my life is centered around fixing shit for everybody else, well I'm gonna make sure my own shit is fixed first, even if it did take a week to replace that transmission.

1

u/AlexHimself Jan 19 '22

Why in the world are you talking about any of this??

You said it wasn't winning, it was losing. I disagreed and made a great point why it's still "winning".

And now you're talking about drinking beer and replacing transmissions.

An unpaid, day off of your choosing is better than nothing.

1

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

Half the time business was slow enough that there wasn't a schedule, we were just basically winging it day by day on-call. Usually I wanted more hours, this card would be like spitting in my face.

1

u/AlexHimself Jan 19 '22

That's just you though? You have to understand that businesses and people are different.

At other places who don't have enough workers, they are constantly putting you on the clock even if you request the days off.

You have to understand this concept...

1

u/over_clox Jan 19 '22

Oh I do. When the employer really decided to show his ass to me about planned time off for me to go to a scheduled court appointment, I quit and blew the whistle on him for all his tax frauds and check racing scams. I kept my ducks and paperwork lined up just for that day too. I understand that shitty employers are shitty employers, and I know when it's time to quit taking shit.

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u/BugsRFeatures2 Jan 19 '22

You are assuming this will be accepted without still making the person feel like an asshole for using it

2

u/JoesShittyOs Jan 20 '22

Honestly, I’m not even sure what people are upset about here, this feels like a pretty good trade off. I’d be pretty hyped for this. Let me take a free day no questions asked if I’m feeling burnt out, and I don’t have to worry about having an in excused absence?

I would have used this last week for a playoff game.

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u/ClockworkAeroplane Jan 20 '22

Ugh, I'm sorry.

You have the right to take time off. You are not the property of your employer; you are a contractor. You are equals in your business partnership. Now, market forces apply, which likely reduce your effective power in that relationship, but if you say you need unpaid time off, you're not asking; you're telling. You ask for paid time off.

1

u/zaphod_beeble_bro Jan 20 '22

You sound like a kidnap victim rationalizing your Stockholm syndrome

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u/GetOffMyGrassBrats Jan 19 '22

At least you didn't get "you're fired!"

4

u/mermaidrampage Jan 20 '22

You won unlimited unpaid vacation! Starting now.

...please pack your things.

4

u/professorjaytee Jan 20 '22

Beats hell out of the place that offered us employees corporate-logo coffee cups... the price of which were then deducted from the paychecks of all the people who took one.

5

u/TheTrueFlexKavana Jan 19 '22

Tell them to fuck off and make it permanent.

4

u/StewforStars Jan 20 '22

god damn, i use to work here, and i got one of these for performing well. It said I earned a 15 minute break LMAO

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u/Opiepies Jan 19 '22

Perks for working for us:

-Daily toilet paper allowance -Chairs (for earners) -Subsidized pens -Air (for earners) -Unrestricted inter-office phone calls -Picked over meeting muffins (by the printer) -Two way stairs -A mostly pest-free environment -Free passes to already free events -Bikram Filing -Take your mistress to work day -Emergency Exits (For senior personnel only)

2

u/WurthWhile Jan 20 '22

-Subsidized pens

Funny thing, as a random request to take a job with my current employer one of my co-workers demanded a free pen from Montblanc. Said they had to give it to him before he signed the paperwork because he wanted it to sign everything.

They basically just shrugged and said that was fine.

3

u/FairyDustSailor Jan 20 '22

I like my employer’s treats better. We have food and beverage facilities and get generous discounts to begin with. We also get little cards with each paycheck for different freebies and massively discounted goodies.

And for special occasions, management has our executive chef set up a killer lunch for all staff. (And he gets a bonus for doing it) Turkey dinner with all the trimmings the day before Thanksgiving. Prime rib and veggie buffet at the end of the busy season. (He does a fabulous veggie lasagna and roasted stuffed peppers for vegetarian staff) And we got a catered lunch the first day back after “Hell Week”.

All employees that are full time (30+ hours a week) get health, dental, retirement plan with match, paid sick leave, paid holidays (or time and a half if you have to work the holiday) and paid vacation.

We also get shit like $100 gift cards for Target or a local grocery store for work anniversaries over 5 years- in a nice card.

It’s not a bad gig. I bust my ass, but I feel the love.

3

u/allChickensFearRice Jan 20 '22

Congratulations! You just lost a day's pay!

3

u/MatterHairy Jan 20 '22

I didn’t know ❤️ meant fuck. Cos that’s what they’re doing to employees

2

u/UnderTheWrongStar Jan 19 '22

The card gave them Covid.

2

u/dvd_wr Jan 19 '22

I haven't been to work since before Christmas, before that I was up to 13 absences in 12 months.

I'd be happy with this card.

2

u/starcadia Jan 19 '22

Take this job and shove it!

2

u/LiterOfColah Jan 19 '22

Lmao that’s fucked up

2

u/2Lazy2beLazy Jan 19 '22

Caveat, must be used on scheduled day off.

2

u/BobsRealReddit Jan 20 '22

A real American capitalist would hold onto it until someone with zero days off has a death in the family and sell him the unpaid day off card.

2

u/Ny_Mike27 Jan 20 '22

I used to work at one not to long ago. They still owe me a shirt for employee of the month lmao

2

u/InappropriateOption Jan 20 '22

"Your employment status has been upgraded to Customer!"

2

u/MagicOrpheus310 Jan 20 '22

Did ... Did you just get fired...??

2

u/Fraggle_Me_Rock Jan 20 '22

At first I thought this was for a cake/cafe franchise, Michel's, we have here in Australia and was thinking no way would that stand under our employment laws.

Turns out it's an American art store with very similar branding.

2

u/burst_bagpipe Jan 20 '22

Dear Employer, if you pull this bullshit and have a high staff turnover without realising you're the problem. YOU'RE THE PROBLEM.

If I was the employee I would be hard pressed, if asked, whether I was going to shove it down your throat, or, up your ass.

This is both insulting and demeaning your staff. You do not control them outside of work. They don't work to serve you or anyone else.

We work to live, not live to work

2

u/Pegasus1985 Jan 20 '22

This is an impertinence

2

u/FreshUnderstanding5 Jan 20 '22

To anyone wondering, this is limbo.

2

u/tisdellisa Jan 20 '22

This just shows you how messed up the US is compared to other countries

2

u/Prof1Kreates Jan 20 '22

Working at Menards be like:

2

u/RedMantis00 Jan 20 '22

On the other side of the card: "go fuck yourself to redeem"

2

u/buttpincher Jan 20 '22

/r/maydaystrike fuck these companies

2

u/vladdeh_boiii Jan 20 '22

And the company just won "lose all your employees!"

2

u/Bicc_boye Jan 20 '22

Michael is going to pay for this

2

u/Unfair-Glove4972 Jan 20 '22

Sorry, we can't afford to pay you..these custom made scratch cards weren't cheap

2

u/UnderWaterPalmTree Jan 20 '22

Worked at Michaels for a bit. It was trash!

2

u/AlCollic Jan 20 '22

You've won spending rest of your life as a slave!

2

u/jester_554 Jan 20 '22

haha this would make a great April fool

4

u/mentos1700 Jan 19 '22

No way.. if that is real i would quit on the spot.

2

u/swagerito Jan 20 '22

Someone doesn't have to pay rent yet.

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u/Red-Coyote Jan 19 '22

Cool a new peraonaly blacklisted company!

1

u/WannabeCowboy617 Jan 20 '22

I really hope this is photoshopped. Who thought that was a good idea?!

1

u/Gildenstern2u Jan 20 '22

Fake as hell.

1

u/coolfrog45 Jan 19 '22

A nicer way of saying "you've been fired"

1

u/nefrpitou Jan 19 '22

So he did make a difference in the company's savings.

1

u/Black-Thirteen Jan 19 '22

You can get infinite of these by just quitting.

1

u/Puzzleheaded-Bee-838 Jan 19 '22

I got a 15 cent raise there after a year so I was unloading freight for $7.40hr