r/therewasanattempt Jan 20 '22

....to give new parents a nice gift

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520 Upvotes

96

u/TheBearWillBeFine Jan 20 '22

NOPE!!!

65

u/UnknownMyoux Jan 20 '22

BURN THE HOUSE DOWN

11

u/McFly998 Jan 21 '22

AND LEAVE THE COUNTRY

7

u/00MarioBros00 Jan 21 '22

Addams Family approved.

1

u/Ok-Mulberry-4600 Jan 21 '22

Nope the hell out of there!! Pray to all the God's that mankind had ever manufactured once you've reached the street then start a new life in a different country, its the only logical conclusion

57

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

Take those flowers outside and cut that string.

31

u/Greenman8907 Jan 20 '22

Too late. Torch the whole house. It’s the only way to be sure.

1

u/azgrappler Feb 20 '22

From orbit.

15

u/Karmas_Advocate Jan 20 '22

Tries to float away spider, balloon takes out jet engine, now 200 people are free falling 30 thousand feet to your child’s reveal party. Sounds like a good time.

4

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '22

Yes but did the jet engine kill the spider?

2

u/Jiryathia Jan 21 '22

Worth it

3

u/cjzj_1288 Jan 20 '22

and by that they mean call in a napalm strike

3

u/TBoneTheOriginal Jan 21 '22

Why, so it can literally rain spiders on people?

2

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '22

Yes. Actually.

38

u/snarky39 Jan 20 '22

Australia?

50

u/Feanors_Scribe Jan 20 '22

Yeah that’s a typical sized huntsman for this time of year. Harmless and actually a sweet house guest. The 1am falling off walls or suddenly being close to the light switch trick they pull can be a little tiresome for the uninitiated!! I’ve seen bigger. We called it the land lord.

16

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

Thanks TIL land lord spider.

3

u/GraveKommander Jan 24 '22

I googled it. We call them Riesenkrabbenspinnen, giant-crab-spiders. Wiki says so. Don't know why the names are so different for the same animal.

Btt, this explains why the dude was so calm. I'm not particular against spiders, but we only have german spiders, cause it is germany. If one of these monsters would appear in my room, i would kill it. I mean the biggest one i have are somehwat 5cm in diameter, such a beast would be a hell of a suprise...

Still have goose bumps...

Cool how calm you guys can deal with them.

35

u/SampleSwimming8576 Jan 20 '22

I wager twenty dollaroos and a shrimp for the barbie that it's Australia.

8

u/Demonazzzz Jan 20 '22

I call and I raise with 2 kangaroos, a koala and a drunk aboriginal in a plane from the flying doctors!

1

u/Odd-Set-2698 Jan 21 '22

I was thinking the same thing.

30

u/DarkRogus Jan 20 '22

Took me a while to notice it... but holy sh!t that's the biggest spider that wasn't a tarantula I've ever seen.

24

u/TheLiquor1946 Jan 20 '22

That spider is probably going like "where the hell am I and what's going on?!"

3

u/LLminibean Jan 22 '22

My first thought (bc I'm not in the same room as that monster) was ... "aw poor confused spider"

12

u/QDKeck Jan 20 '22

Burn it. Burn it all.

7

u/CROW_BIRB_ Jan 21 '22

You spin me right round baby right round

5

u/Dunnyredd Jan 20 '22

Send that bad boy high in to the stratosphere.

6

u/PoorPauly Jan 21 '22

I say we take off and nuke the entire site from orbit. It’s the only way to be sure.

4

u/Independent_Soup_126 Jan 20 '22

What Disney witch gave that gift??

5

u/aussiesmoker Jan 21 '22

I had one in the house the other day, half the size but still big enough , swatted it with a broom down the stairs and it disappeared, I have since moved houses and will not be returning.

5

u/ChewML Jan 21 '22

Railgun is charging, please stand by.

3

u/thedude0000000000000 Jan 20 '22

A tad Unsettling

3

u/ganeshas_rat Jan 21 '22

Oh fuck no 🕷How would I get that out of the house? I’d be terrified if the spider jumped on my head thinking I was more stable than the balloon🎈

6

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '22

[deleted]

4

u/Manimanocas Jan 20 '22

I had a jumpscare lol i thought the ballon was just broken but then i noteced the "end" or "fold" of the ballon was a spider lol

4

u/VulgarVinyasa Jan 20 '22

Free bug catcher! Huntsman are great spiders.

2

u/Nimbuss88 Jan 20 '22

Would rather have the bugs

6

u/[deleted] Jan 21 '22

You don't want the bugs. Least not where Huntsman spiders live.

This is Steve Irwin's domain. The bugs are the size of puppies and mean like my ex wife.

4

u/Nimbuss88 Jan 21 '22

Lol, fair enough.

In that case, I think I’ll just not live in Australia.

3

u/plutus9 Jan 20 '22

Let me guess….

5

u/PabloAlaska6 Jan 20 '22

you’re right

2

u/SwordMaster78 Jan 20 '22

Please send exact location.. our reaper drones are on their way.

2

u/HarlemNocturne_ Jan 20 '22

OHO, HELL NO.

-1

u/josmille Jan 21 '22

Oh no a huntsman, one the most placid non-venomous spiders. That must've been terrifying.

1

u/Waisted-Desert Jan 20 '22

This is the reason flame throwers exist.

1

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1

u/-nn23- Jan 20 '22

Automatic movement machine!

1

u/jwaterboyk Jan 20 '22

It’s Miss Spider from James and the Giant Peach.

1

u/[deleted] Jan 20 '22

Just missing the snails and puppy dog tails.

1

u/jar1967 Jan 21 '22

That must be in Australia

1

u/markedsa Jan 21 '22

The giant enemy spider.

1

u/RRaccord Jan 21 '22

yeahhhh, the marriage will not last long and the baby will end up in an adoption center

1

u/AFuckinAtodasso Jan 21 '22

I would be screaming like a little girl.

1

u/Free-Freedom6238 Jan 21 '22

Just another thing that can kill you in Australia

1

u/Dw1ggle Jan 21 '22

So Australia or Florida?

1

u/AgentCarmichael20 Jan 21 '22

Lol That spider has to be so confused.

1

u/NuggiesMacFriesCoke Jan 21 '22

So the baby is goin to be spiderman?

1

u/Local-Waltz4801 Jan 21 '22

I like the "ok, you do you." As hes walking away

1

u/FrickFrackImInAShack Jan 21 '22

perfect opportunity to punch it hard af without hurting your hand

1

u/JoeySkar Jan 21 '22

Shows what you know, he's actually the baby boy! 😊

1

u/ResourceMany6108 Jan 21 '22

Gotta throw the whole baby away

1

u/Administrative_Loan1 Jan 21 '22

Where do you live ? Australia!

1

u/LiveLearnCoach Feb 18 '22

“Congratulations! It’s a bAAAAAAAAH!”

1

u/ChaoticToxin Mar 27 '22

That looks like a a good garden buddy to clean things up. Harmless to people. Just put balloon near a tree it will go on

1

u/cappeca Apr 07 '22

Took me a while... A dangwrous while

-3

u/Psychological-Wrap61 Jan 20 '22

Awww that’s cute!😂

0

u/SampleSwimming8576 Jan 20 '22

Nuke it from orbit.

0

u/Svykoo Jan 20 '22

Kinda cool tho ngl

0

u/justmeAlonekitty Jan 20 '22

At that point you just have to shoot it

0

u/Raiseyourstandard Jan 20 '22

Hun grab the vacuum cleaner