r/tifu Aug 28 '21 Silver Helpful Wholesome Hugz

XL How you can help fight disinformation on Reddit.

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1.4k Upvotes

r/tifu 11h ago I am disappoint Silver Gold Platinum Helpful Wholesome Take My Energy Bravo!

S TIFU By Accidentally Eating My Wife's Twin Sister's Ass

11.3k Upvotes

So my wife's twin sister moved in with us 6 months ago after leaving her husband. Initially it was weird because they're identical, but my wife's sister (I'll refer to her as Jenn) cut her hair off, making it easier to tell them apart because they love to dress alike and be silly.

Fast forward 6 months and we're all real comfortable around each other, they both snuggle up with me during movies on the couch, we eat off each others plates, etc. Well, I guess I got a little too comfortable when I assumed I could eat the last Shrek Donkey Chocolate Krispy Treat on the counter. Little did I know it was a gift from someone Jenn was super close to who had passed a week ago and it was a whole 20 year old inside joke and now everyone is pissed at me and I have diarrhea.

TL;DR Ate ass, got sick. Wife and twin sister aren't speaking to me.


r/tifu 1h ago Facepalm

S TIFU by Accidentally Renaming a Government National Tracker

Upvotes

This was a few weeks ago but I've only just emotionally recovered enough to post.

I work in a government department and we have to input certain information/statistics into a national tracker. Said tracker has always been called "The Big Boi Tracker" on my desktop (because working for the government isn't always fun and little things make me laugh).

My shortcut to the tracker corrupted and had to be redownloaded so, naturally, I renamed it "The Big Boi Tracker".

Little did I know that I hadn't just renamed my tracker but I had nationally renamed it. So, for about 10 minutes, Boris Johnson and the 95,000+ government employees in my department had a shortcut on their desktops named "The Big Boi Tracker".

(Big shout out to my colleague who saw his shortcut had been renamed and rushed to my assistance 😂)

TL;DR - I accidentally changed the name of a government file that 95,000+ people use to "The Big Boi Tracker".


r/tifu 21h ago Wholesome Silver Helpful

S TIFU, by shaving my asshole hair

8.5k Upvotes

For the record, i generally despise body hair, but it's too much work to remove it all on a consistent basis, so I just let it be unless it bothers me too much.

Now, my ass hair, especially around my asshole, seems to be extraordinarily long, so that whenever I walk it gets pulled by my legs moving. I find it generally greatly uncomfortable and bothersome to have to walk +3 miles a day whilst having my ass hair pulled during the entirety of it.

So I decided to shave my asshole hair. I've shaved the every single part of my body several times, and I have great razor skills, however, my foresight maybe lacking.

I get in the bath with my chest handing over the edge and in a position where I could reach around and shave my asshole. I placed the razor in the area, gave it a little pull, and removed it. It was full of hair, as normal, so I kept going, carefully, slowly, and with great care not to cut myself, or generally fuck up the process. Removing just enough hair as to prevent this tugging problem, but not cutting it short enough so as to cause ingrown hairs ( which plague me, and are the bane of my existence )

And this is where the fuck up is, the shaving went perfectly, I gave myself a hairless asshole ( still keeping a few mm of hair to prevent ingrown hairs ), and as soon as I go to stand, i realized my issue.

Rather than pulling my ass hair while I walked, my general ass and taint area, are now constantly being stabbed by all my shortened asshole hair. Which itches like a mother fucker

tl;dr today i fucked up by shaving my asshole hair so it stops getting yanked while I walked, but now thousands of short ass hairs are constantly stabbing my asshole and taint, making it super itchy and annoying to walk with


r/tifu 18h ago Silver

M TIFU by going out with a girl and running into my ex

2.2k Upvotes

Obligatory this happened yesterday.

This is gonna be a long one but the cringe is worth the read, I promise.

So my ex broke up with me in december. It was pretty rough and things are pretty horrible between us. Basicaly she thought I was cheating on her and that drove her to a breaking point and one night she went out drinking and broke up with me via text on her way back from the bar. I didn't cheat btw, if you want to know.

So me, being pretty terrible with dating, finally got lucky on tinder and met up with this girl I used to know from high school (I'm 21, she's 19) and everything went pretty ok. That was on the 25th of december.

We kept in touch but couldn't see each other because I was away for the first 2 weeks of january. So yeah, I couldn't wait to be able to see her again after like 3 weeks.

We did so yesterday, and here comes the fuck up.

We went out to the central plaza of our town (it's a pretty small one, everyone knows each other and there's only 2 plazas and not a single shopping mall or even a fucking cinema).

We chatted a while about manga and nerd stuff and it went pretty cool. Cue 5 o'clock. She has to leave to go exercise. She's in a group of 4 people that go to a public sports centre to work out. So I think, yeah, I haven't gone to the gym in a while and I'd get to spend more time with her, so why not join her?

So I asked if it was cool and she told the group and the guy in charge also said it was cool.

So great, we start going to the sports centre and in the way there I ask her who else is in the group. Now, I know how stupid I'm gonna look but give me a pass, it was hot and I had the hots for this hot chick. I wasn't thinking clearly.

She tells me the name of the guys and when she tells me the name of the girl that was in the group... yeah, my ex's name (let's call her Annie)

I think to myself, there's no way it's the same Annie as my ex, so I ask her Annie's last name. She says she doesn't know. So I ask her to describe her and yeah, she describes my ex pretty accurately.

But I'm still thinking that there's no way that it's the same Annie, so I went with her nonetheless.

We arrived early. We talk for a bit while waiting for the group. We're talking about how next time we're totally gonna make out in my room. Things are looking pretty good. Then the rest of the group arrives. I take a good look at them and yeah.

It's fucking Annie.

She sees me from a distance and starts to walk away slowly. Me and the girl I was seeing exchange this "damn, we fucked up" look and she goes after her.

I actually knew one of the guys in the group so I greet him and explained how I was thinking of joining them but how that clearly wasn't gonna be possible. He agrees with me and I kid you not I told him that I left the oven on and make my way out of the sports centre.

The worst part is that after all this awful shit, the girl I was seeing texts me telling me that the situation is too awkward and that Annie was crying. AND THAT SHE TOLD HER I CHEATED ON HER. FUCK.

So I try to explain that no I didn't cheat and that things are pretty complicated between Annie and I.

I don't know if she believed me, but anyways she told me that things just got too awkward and that we shouldn't keep talking.

So yeah, that's my fuck up. It went from future make out sessions to awkwardness in the blink of an eye.

TLDR: Went out with a girl I'm seeing, well, was seeing and came across my ex, who told her that I had cheated on her (EVEN THOUGH I DIDN'T) and now she made everything awkward between the girl and I so we're not gonna keep talking anymore.

Edit: fixed some spelling errors. Yeah I realize that the awckwards were a bit awkward to read.


r/tifu 19h ago

S TIFU by not telling my family I cancelled my engagement

993 Upvotes

I got engaged in September, and cancelled my engagement with my ex-fiancée back not long after in October after I caught her lying and cheating on me. I’m a pretty private person and don’t have social media, so I let all of my immediate family know what was going on but hadn’t had a chance to interact or let any of my extended family know as I had not seen them since the engagement was cancelled.

Fast forward to a couple weeks ago. I decided to start at least casually dating, and hit it off with a girl and scheduled our first date. We had a really nice dinner and went to a newly opened bar in the area. We got drinks on the patio and hear someone say my name. I turn around and it’s two of my cousins and their husbands who were visiting from out of state for the holidays (I live near a tourist destination city).

After being caught totally off guard and giving them hugs I went to turn to introduce them, but before I could they all began to congratulate my first date and I on our engagement. While the first date only loosely looks like my ex, since I don’t have social media they had only seen her very rarely (even less so with Covid), they totally mistook her for my ex-fiancée and since the engagement was recent they gave us all their well wishes and congratulations while I stood their basking in the awkwardness and my first date just looked at me confused.

I got to explain to everyone what had happened, including my first date who had no idea I was previously engaged. She ended up being cool with it and we are still dating, but was most definitely one of the most awkward moments of my life that I will never forget.

TL;DR - didn’t tell my extended family I had cancelled my (recent) engagement, they assumed a girl I was on a first date with was my fiancée and congratulated us


r/tifu 10h ago

M TIFU By getting the company I work for banned from processing payments and starting a police investigation

168 Upvotes

I work as a programmer for a company that makes its money selling software online.
Specifically, I write and maintain the payment processing system that charges cards and collects money when a customer makes a purchase on our website.

Important note: When you charge a card, there is a field to enter the payment reference that appears on the card statement (e.g. \PAYPAL - Whatever*) - which is completely controlled by the programmer (me).

Like any good programmer, I have a suite of tests that run when I make changes to the payment system. They run against a test system, with fake cards, and don't make any real payments.
These tests contain a lot of dumb data because I have a dumb sense of humour and, hey, it's only a test right?

Once the changes are complete, there is a final suite of tests that runs with a real card (provided to me by the company) that makes some real charges to make sure everything's ok in production.

Everything was going well until last Friday, where I was in a hurry to get to the pub and enjoy a cold pint as a celebration for getting some complex changes done.

Changes made, I hit the test button and watch them run through. All passed, and in record time! My new changes must be good - time to get that cold beer.
Half way through my beer, however, my phone starts blowing up - the payment system is down and refusing to accept payments, and no-one can place any orders.

Filled with cold dread, I down the rest of my beer and run back to the office in record time.
Everything looks good with the code, so what's going on? Maybe the payment provider is having issues?

Then HR gets a phone call from the bank that issues the card I used for my real tests, saying that they've blocked the card due to suspicious transactions and are making a police report.
Realisation hits me like a truck - those tests I ran just before lunch? Did I set them to run against the test environment? Oh shiiiiiiit...
Turns out that no, I did not, and they have all been running against the production environment and charging our real card. No wonder they ran so fast!

Remember that dumb data that was in them? Yup, that all got sent to the payment provider and subsequently charged onto our card.
Notable charges that the bank raised an eyebrow at include:

  • *Ammunation - AK47 (£49.99)
  • *DrugsRUS - Cocaine, 10g (£8.99)
  • *SexToysForMasochists - 32 inch dildo (£19.99)

After 30 or so of these charges, the upshot of it was that the bank cancelled the card and raised a police report (apparently their fraud team did not work out the dumb nature of these charges).
The payment provider we use also banned us from making further payments until they did an investigation, so the company was non-operational for almost a whole day.

Thankfully, the police report didn't go anywhere - though I imagine they got a good laugh reading over the "fraud" charges.
The CEO of the company also saw the funny side, so I still have a job!

TL;DR: I accidentally ran some tests, which contained dumb data, against a live system and charged the company credit card with stupid things until it got cancelled, and the bank raised a police report


r/tifu 1h ago

S TIFU by eating the devil's twizzlers

Upvotes

Obligatory throw away account, on mobile sorry for formatting. This is gonna sound like I'm 12, but I'm actually really embarrassed by this, I'm happy I have a partner with a sense of humor, and maybe it'll make you laugh too. TIFU by eating sugar free twizzlers. Had some candy cravings, so bought me and my SO some sugar free twizzlers as he's very sensitive to sugar crashes. I started munching on one, while reading the nutrition facts. I notice a warning about how excessive consumption can cause gas and bloating, and I note that serving size is 2 twizzlers. So I tell myself it's fine to splurge sometimes and I indulge in 7 total twizzlers over the course of a couple hours. I put them away only to be struck with the worst stomach pain I've ever had in my life! I started kinda panicking and sat down and played some games for awhile, telling myself I'll be fine, when all of a sudden I feel like I gotta take the biggest shit ever and I run to the bathroom and hurriedly throw my leggings off as they're 30 dollar leggings, and I plop down on the toilet....only to let out what can only be described as the most vile, longest, loudest squeakiest fart I've ever farted in my life. When I finish I feel the biggest amount of relief...until I realize my boyfriend is in our nearby bedroom and I hear him yell "wow!" And lose his shit laughing at me.

TLDR; TIFU by eating too many sugar free twizzlers and blowing up the toilet with farts and I'm a usually embarrassed to fart around others kind of girl


r/tifu 5h ago Silver Wholesome

L TIFU by shitting my pants on my 17th birthday

26 Upvotes

Alright buckle up. This happened around 4 years ago. My father and I, we went out to celebrate my 17th birthday. Beautiful July day. We go out to feed some ducks, we watch a movie, we dine on delicious Indian food at a restaurant and shop a bit.

Now he had an important appointment with an important official at an embassy that very day. So he asks me to head on home by a taxi and assures me he'd be back in 2 hours or so. I refuse, saying I'll go with him. He tries to convince me saying that I won't be allowed inside the embassy as my father and I are different nationalities. He could enter but I couldn't. I insist (sounding a lot like a crybaby) that in that time I could just roam around and enjoy the cool air outside. He agrees.

We arrive there by a taxi (we don't have a car). Dad asks me to be good and stick to areas around the embassy and to sit at the bus stop if I was tired and to not linger near strangers. Fair enough.

Now this area was probably the safest area in my country as it is littered with many different countries' embassies. And it was a very open space compared to how cramped the actual city was. So I get excited. I walk around, infact I skip around because there's literally no one on the street.

I'm enjoying my walking/skipping and suddenly I'm hit with terrible cramps in my stomach. Terrible stuff. I go back to the bench to sit and relax but sitting made it worse because I felt the shit in my rectum trying to escape. I clench. It doesn't want to go back in. I sit like this for 5 minutes maybe, clenching my asshole, sweating sweat droplets all over my new jeans that my Maa got me yesterday.

I couldn't sit like this so I went to the embassy my father was at and asked the security people if I could use their services. They refused, talking something about strict policies. I tell them about it being an emergency and still they refuse to budge. I try to convince them for some more time. It's so stupid, I mean they could see the constipated look on my face, could see I was sweating profusely on such a cool windy day, still they were being morons ( ik ik they're doing their jobs).

So I decide to hobble over (for now the piece of shit had slipped out by 1 inch) to another embassy nearby, which is not near at all btw, and same answer there as well. But this security person was nice enough to point me to a public toilet. Which was a 10 fucking minute walk away. By this point my face, clothes, everything is drenched in sweat. I got no choice now but to run at top speed to the toilet and drop the dookie. Big mistake. Mid run I feel my asshole literally burst and 3 biggest turds of my life slide out, followed by literal diarrhea, probably the result of the spicy Tandoori chicken I'd had for lunch.

Now how do I explain the feeling, three big turds in my panties sliding around, spicy goo running down my thighs, sweat all over me. I was horrified, traumatized, my life was literally flashing in front of my eyes. Really. Worst day of my life. Thankfully no one was around to witness it. After a brief getting over the shock time, I decided I had to clean up this mess quickly and without anyone seeing.

It's very difficult to walk around with extra weight in your groin. I had to shuffle, stop for a while to look around that no one was there, shuffle again, feel the goo reach the back of my knee. And so it went on. An excruciating 10 minutes later, somehow I reach the public washroom. Thankfully it was empty. I strip everything waist down. Throw the turds in the toilet and flush out its existence. I start washing my brand new poo marinated jeans with the bidet. Fortunately I have some liquid soap in my backpack for emergencies and I wash all the brown from the blue. The jeans being done, it was time for the panties to be washed but I couldn't bear wearing it so I mopped the shit speckled floor with it and flushed it as well.

Wore my drenched jeans, walked back to the embassy, sat at the bus stop for an hour crying my eyes out. Dad got out, asked me what happened, I told him I suddenly got my period and had to wash my jeans, he calmed me down, we got in a taxi, reached home, I scrubbed myself down in the shower and then had cake for my birthday. What a horrible day.

Tl;dr: Went to an embassy with my father, wasn't allowed inside so had to sit outside, had crazy cramps in stomach and shat myself while running towards the nearest public toilet. All on my 17th birthday.


r/tifu 9h ago

M TIFU by letting the vacuum salesman use our bathroom

57 Upvotes

Oh boy, do I have a story for you all. This literally JUST happened and I am writing this while all the details are fresh in my mind.

Let me start this by saying that if I had answered the door, this bombshell would not have gone off in our home.

My husband (27m) and I (27f) were at home today doing chores when there's a knock on the door. My husband opens the door and there's a very well dressed young lady (probably early 20s) at the door saying that they are doing some market research for their company to see if their services are wanted in this area. Reddit... my sweet husband says sure and let's her in. Mistake #1.

She gives us the whole speech about how each demo they give out in the market will go towards her college tuition. My "door-to-door salesmen, we want to sell you expensive crap" alarm is blaring in my head at this moment but my husband again says "sure". Ok, fine. What harm could a demo do? Mistake #2

Y'all, the SETUP her associate hauled into our house 🤦🏽🤦🏽 I knew at that moment we were going to be here for a while. This man goes on and on cleaning parts of our home with his "life-changing" vacuum and asking us the same question over and over. "If you could clean up dirt and dust like this in your home for an affordable price , would you use this machine?"

I am trying to be polite and just kind of nod along all while looking at the clock. The whole demo took close to an HOUR and by then I went outside with the dog and texted my husband to Get. Him. Out. Of. Our. House. Now.

Now comes mistake #3. After we flat out told him we were not in a financial situation where we could afford his $2999 vacuum (because what random middle class household can???), he asked to use our bathroom.

I thought I was going to have to call the police because he was in there so long! I thought he passed out or was doing drugs in there, y'all! I periodically popped my head back in the house and my husband would just say- nope he's still in there.

FINALLY He emerges and leaves. I know immediately when I come in the house that something is terribly wrong in that bathroom. The whole house smelled putrid 🤢. I walk in to find the state of our bathroom comparable to a truck stop bathroom. HOW DID THIS MAN MANAGE TO SHIT ALL OVER THE DAMN TOILET????

That was just what I could see on the outside. When I lifted the lid, he had CLOGGED the toilet with "flushable" wipes. I. Am. Traumatized. My plunger is a national hero and thank GOD for rubber gloves.

I just ordered a "No Soliciting" sign off of Amazon. Lesson learned. NEVER let the vacuum salesman use your toilet.

TL;DR We let a traveling vacuum salesman into our home for a demonstration and he blew up our bathroom so bad afterwards I had to bust out the plunger and rubber gloves.


r/tifu 1d ago

S TIFU by telling my mom to look up incest porn

1.0k Upvotes

This just happened less then five minutes ago and my hearts still pounding as I can hear my mom telling my dad about this :|

I’m on mobile sorry about my grammar blah blah blah you get it.

My mom (43f) and I(14f) were talking about how me and my younger sibling used to wake up at 5am to watch the ‘Brady bunch’ on Sundays, and after that we talked about saved by the bell and other shows and about how the actors were doing.

I remembered a show I used to love but I couldn’t remember the name of it, as the last time I watched it was 4 years ago, all I could remember was it was about how family was important despite blood relation and it had the word ‘strokes’ in it. So I say “ I don’t remember just look it up it was something like… FAMILY STROKES..”.

Thank god my mom is a metal head from the 90’s and not a stuck up Christian because I would have been dead

The show was ‘different strokes’ btw. We ended up just looking up the story line.

TL;DR just look up the story line of shows you don’t know the names of


r/tifu 5h ago

S TIFU by expensing a trip to a sex shop

21 Upvotes

Actually happened today.

Last month, I was doing visits to a bunch of hospitals north of where I live (Houston) and I had an address for a hospice center that I just couldn't find for the life of me. So I pulled over and called them for instructions on how to get to their office for the meeting. I got the directions and made it to the visit. For some reason, google maps had it on the wrong side of the freeway.

Yesterday I turned in my expense report, part of the report is pulling Google Location History and attaching the report to the mileage request so we get the proper reimbursement. This morning I get a call from our payroll lady that went something like:

"Hey XXXXXXX I have a question about your expense report"

"Sure, what's up?"

"Did you drop off collateral (pamphlets) to an adult toy store?"

"Uhhh no, why do you ask?"

"It says here one of your visits was a Zone D Erotica"

"That's got to be a mistake, let me check my report and call you back"

"It's okay if you did, I don't see a reason why we shouldn't market to those types of stores, but if this was a personal trip I'm going to have to remove it from your report"

That was when I realized I had pulled into a parking lot adjacent from a sex store to make a the call for the hospice visit. We all laughed after I explained what happened.

The report in question

TL;DR: Pulled in to a parking lot near an Adult Toy Store and made a call, google thought I made a visit and included it in a mileage report for work.


r/tifu 1d ago

M TIFU by raising a bully

708 Upvotes

This literally happened 3 hours ago and I feel kind of bad.

I have a 2 year old son and I’d like to think I’m doing my damn best to raise him with good morals and ethics and mostly it shows, he is a pretty rad kid and says sorry and please and thank you in the correct context without being prompted. And to be honest, I don’t even know where he learnt that because I’m a bit slack on manners myself.

For context, a few months ago we were on a trip with another family and my son was playing at the beach and he was digging and building sandcastles with another girl who is around 8 years old and they had a fun little game where she would build a sand castle and encourage him to stomp on it and then she’d have this big dramatic reaction and my son would laugh and thought it was great. I also thought it was great because he can be a pretty timid kid and sometimes it takes him along time to build up the courage to play with others. So you know, it was a fun holiday, that was a nice memory of him playing with a new friend, life is good!

Until this morning, when I was at the beach with my son and he was running around with some friends and there was a little girl nearby building sandcastles with her grandfather and I could see how much pride they were taking in the sandcastles and they were decorated with shells and the grandad was loving the bonding time with his granddaughter. That was until my son ran over and stomped on her sandcastles and I could tell they were pretty upset. And then my son proceeded to LAUGH IN HER FACE! I was mortified and ran over and apologised and they were wonderfully polite but I could feel them judging me and they were probably wondering what kind of parent has raised this heartless little wench.

So I tried to explain to my son that it wasn’t okay and he was like whatever I’m gonna go run with my friends again and the grandad and the little girl went back to rebuilding the sandcastles and then my son tried to stomp on them AGAIN!

After that, the little girl started digging holes instead and my son left them alone.

TL;DR my son thought stomping on a little girls sandcastles and laughing in her face was a fun game and now I feel like a terrible parent


r/tifu 12h ago

S TIFU by answering the door

40 Upvotes

So I live at the end of a dirt road so when there is a car going by it's either trespassers (which gets the cops called on them) or a delivery. Yesterday FedEx came by to drop off a package which sent the dogs to barking like mad. I got my lazy fat ass off the couch to open the door to see who was on our road. I open the door to see my mom (my wife and I live next door to my parents) with a couple packages in her hands.

She's standing in front of the house as I opened it and due to needing to walk up a few stairs to get into the house her head is basically at my waist level. Come to find out my own package was slightly hanging out the front of my boxers for the world to see. She had to see something she hadn't seen in about 25 years. Sorry mom.

Tldr: Mom was bringing me a package FedEx left and ended up seeing my package.


r/tifu 2h ago

S TIFU by feeding squirrels my DoorDash order

8 Upvotes

TIFU, I was working from home and I decided that I wanted some Chick-fil-A for breakfast. I ended up ordering it from DoorDash. I kept working as I waited for it to be delivered. Finally it arrived and I tore open the bag in my rabid hunger only to find that they had sent the wrong order.

I though about just dealing with it, but I didn't like the items they had accidentally sent. So, I contacted their customer service to let them know about the issue thinking I could at least get a refund or something. Thankfully they said they would deliver the correct order which was even better in my book. (I ended up giving my husband the incorrect sandwiches they sent so they wouldn't go to waste.)

After waiting another half hour or so I get the notification that my new order was delivered. I finished my email and hopped up go grab it. It took me less than TWO MINUTES to get up and walk to the front door. I opened the door and bent down to pick it up only to find the bag ripped open and my food all over my front porch.

I look over and about 10 feet away on the sidewalk is a giant squirrel munching on my hashbrowns.

TL;DR... I ordered food to be delivered and didn't immediately grab it off my porch after it was delivered inadvertently feeding all the neighborhood squirrels.


r/tifu 53m ago

S TIFU by agreeing with my gf’s doctor.

Upvotes

To preface this my ex has had some knee issues for the past few weeks. She got some painkillers and they kinda helped so I thought nothing of it.

Today she told me her doctor said there was a good chance her knee pain could be a result of her being overweight. (We’ve both gained a decent amount of weight the past year due to horrible eating habits)

So I suggested why not she try to workout, I’ve been going to the gym for a few months and lost some weight and I haven’t had to deal with acid reflux for a while now. So i figured hey if I feel better after consistently working out maybe it’d help her too.

She pretty much just yelled at me and said I was an asshole for calling her fat, that the doctor was ignoring her actual problem by telling her to just lose weight because she wasn’t morbidly obese just overweight. Granted she isn’t obese but I’m not a doctor so I simply suggested trying his advice to see if it’d work. I didn’t expect her to blow up on me like that.

She pretty much told me she didnt want to see me anymore because I didn’t care about her health and I just wanted her to be hot.

I’m not sad or anything but I’m pretty goddamn confused as to how she got all that.

TL;DR Gf broke up with me for agreeing with her doctor about losing weight.


r/tifu 1h ago

S TIFU by having kombucha and coffee before a hike.

Upvotes

The morning started innocently enough, I opened the AllTrails app and found the perfect trail to explore. On the way there, I grabbed some coffee and as a last minute add on, threw in a delicious looking kombucha from the counter side cooler to round out my purchase.

I set out on the 40 minute drive while sipping my drinks. The sun was out and life felt good. I jammed out to some Tom Petty and drove down the open road with the windows rolled down. I hit the trail, eager to tackle the mountaintop. The hike should take about 2.5 to 3 hours. I heard a little voice in my head say “hey, you never know, the 40’s are upon you and you should probably grab some TP for the trip”. I ignored this little voice and this, my dear Reddit friends, would be my fatal mistake.

About 25 minutes into the hike I felt my stomach rumble. I thought it would pass but about 5 minutes later I knew I was in trouble. I had no choice but to turn back towards the parking lot restrooms. I made it as far as the riverbed when I knew I’d gambled and lost. I think the January sun was sweltering but it could have been poo sweats, I’ll never know. Sweat dripped down my neck as my ass cheeks began to seize from trying to clench them shut. At this point I was stumbling towards a sliver of shade when my asshole exploded like hot molten lava. I didn’t even have a chance to get my pants down. I had no choice but pray to the River bed Gods that no one would witness the dirty ditch I was about to make. I left those dirty underwear along with a piece of my dignity in that River bed today. I’ll never be the same person I was before setting out on that hike.

TL;DR I shit my pants on a hike and did a dirty underwear ditch.


r/tifu 9h ago

S TIFU by not putting away my toys when my in laws came to visit

22 Upvotes

Obligatory this didn’t happen today but was reminded about this by another post.

I live with my fiancé and few months back his family came to stay with us. At this point, my fiancé’s grandpa was in the hospital because of the plague. Of course, I let them know that if they needed anything in the morning to just knock on our bedroom door.

The next morning, I hear a knock that wakes me up and I’m thinking that his mom just doesn’t know where the coffee is. I answer and she just walks right in. It’s important to note that my fiancé’s family is incredibly religious.

Because right above me on the headboard is a vibrator, bottle of lube, and a veiny, girthy, flesh coloured 8 inch dildo that just didn’t make it back into the drawer after being washed a few days prior. And of course I can’t just put it away without drawing more attention to it.

Anyways, his mom goes and sits on his side of the bed and hasn’t noticed the dildo right above me yet. And then she breaks the news. My fiancé’s grandpa died.

She’s sobbing and hugging us. And then I see her look just above me. And she stares at this dildo for a good 30 seconds, makes awkward eye contact with me, and then immediately leaves.

She definitely prayed a little harder for us that night.

TL;DR fiancé’s super religious mom saw my dildo when she was breaking the news that grandpa died


r/tifu 8h ago

S TIFU, Might have cancer at this point but idk what to do…

15 Upvotes

So I have been f-ing up for a long time now…

So I have had rectal bleeding for years now. Since I was 16 and now I’m 24… my mom convinced me it was a hemorrhoid bc she used to get them. Thing is I am 99% sure I have a polyp bc I also have IBS and when I can’t go to the bathroom and push hard, it pops out sometimes. When I was younger I was like wtf is this so I squatted over a mirror and looked while I could and tried to figure out what it was. After hours of research I am 95% sure it’s a polyp. I’m not sure how many I could have, but yeah it happens almost every damn time I go to the bathroom. I have 0 health insurance and don’t know what to do. I am scared bc time had slipped by and I always told myself “oh I’ll get insurance soon”… never happened. I know this is TMI but idk what to do… maybe it’s an external hemorrhoid and I’m misdiagnosing myself? Idk I feel like after 8 years I’d be dying already and it hasn’t grown or popped out in ages but I still bleed. What do I do in my situation?

TL;DR I might have polyps that I’ve had for 8 years and I don’t have health insurance so I am scared and lost in what to do.


r/tifu 16h ago

TIFU For avoiding someone at the gym after they made comments about my weight

70 Upvotes

I started going to the gym and most of the time I would just keep to myself and keep my head down and not talk or bother anyone and in return I wouldn't ever get bothered myself. That's how I prefer it.

I was given a program with a mix of different exercises and machines to use. One of the them is a mountain climb stair machine. There are only two of them in the gym, both next to each other.

I'd get on the machine for about twenty minutes and do my bit and get off. One day, a fit athletic lady on the machine beside me, grabs my attention after I get off. She says "Hey" to grab my attention. I just look up and she says smiling "I've noticed you around. You look like you've lost a lot of weight. You should be really proud of yourself".

I really didn't like what she said, because it made me feel too self conscious of myself. It felt like she was confirming what people were saying to me before that I was fat and unhealthy.

So I just ignored her and walked off. The next few days in the gym again I would use that mountain machine because she was often always on the one next to it. I would also walk the long way around the gym to avoid having to come in any close contact with her.

Another day, I was in the weight machines area on a different machine and she gets on the one beside me. She nervously says "Hi" to me and just say Hi back without making eye contact or talking to her further.

TL;DR Someone made a comments on my weight loss at the gym and then I just ignored them.