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TIFU by lying to my wife for 13 years… S

TIFU by lying to my wife for 13 years…

My wife hates orange and lime flavored candies. I love them. Well, love the orange, like the lime.

So, she passes on the orange starburst to me. She passes the orange and green skittles to me. She passes the orange and green gummy bears to me. This has been happening for 13 years.

What she doesn’t know is that the green Haribo gummy bears are actually strawberry.

Shortly after we married, for one reason or another, I looked at the back of the Haribo gummy bears package and discovered this.

So I haven’t said anything for 13 years. Every time we get gummy bears, she gives me the orange and green (strawberry). I’ve never said a word. I’ve enjoyed eating my little lies.

Until last night…

We had some gummy bears and she opened them and she started to hand me the orange and green ones. But after a few minutes, I saw her looking at the back of the bag. Then I saw her eyes get REAL BIG.

She turned to me and asked if I’ve known that the green bears were strawberry. She always thought they were lime.

I was honest and nodded my head yes. The look of betrayal was unreal…. She asked how long I’ve known, and I was honest. I told her as long as we’ve been married.

She quit giving me the gummy bears she didn’t like. She was even eating the orange ones out of spite.

I don’t think I’ll get any more gummy bear discards after this. Time to buy my own.

Edit:

We don’t eat these every day. A few times a year at most.

I don’t just get the “rejects.” It’s a shared bag. Whenever she grabs a few, she would pick out the orange and green and hand to me. Just like I would give the pineapple to her (bleh).

TL;DR I never corrected my wife by telling her she gave me strawberry gummy bears. She thought they were lime. Now she knows and is spite eating my favorites.

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u/c_l_who 8d ago Silver

Every year, for her birthday, my step-grandmother received a gift of chocolate covered cherries from her husband. When he died and she married my grandfather, he thought it would be so thoughtful to continue the tradition. She took one look at the box, stood up, dumped it in the garbage, and declared "I'm not spending another 30 years pretending to like those disgusting things." 😂😂😂

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u/mark55 8d ago

New grandpa seems like a thoughtful guy! That's so sweet it's almost sacrificial.

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u/Knockaround122 7d ago

I was thinking the same thing. The fact that he was willing to put away his pride and do something that he knew would brighten his wife’s day, regardless of it being an act of kindness from her previous husband, speaks volumes about OP’s grandfather. I think most men would be too scared or threatened to continue such a tradition, but not their grandfather. I love that.

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u/ReneeLaRen95 7d ago

Well, yeah but yes had 30 years of loyally shoving them down. 31 yrs was just a bridge too far, lol!

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u/Chrisbee012 7d ago

the cherries thought so too

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u/Babbledoodle 8d ago

Oh my gosh, my grandma did that with my dad! She never knew how much he hated them

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u/Jeanne23x 7d ago

Oh my gosh, I have a family member who has pretended to like those for 36 years now due to her making a big deal the first time her son got her them (because it was the first spontaneous gift he ever gave her!)

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u/laitnetsixecrisis 7d ago

My late husband would always buy me cherry ripe chocolate bars. For 20 years birthdays, Christmas and mothers Day. I don't know why he thought they were my favourite, but he did.

When he passed my 2 boys bought me cherry ripes for my birthday. I had to explain I would prefer Snickers bars lol.

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u/seriouslyjan 8d ago

The Cordial Cherries were the nastiest things and my Grandparents brought them to our house. YUCK The gooey stuff in the middle, pure nauseating, putrid slimy stuff. The chocolate was good though.

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u/LordGalen 7d ago

Cream filled or liquid? Because the liquid filled are fucking great. I get like 3 boxes every Christmas.

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u/gonephishin213 7d ago

Same. Accidentally bought cream filled this year and, while I still devoured them, they weren't nearly as good

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u/Paper-Great 8d ago Silver Gold Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote hehehehe LOVE! Wholesome Seal of Approval I'm Deceased

My Mom didn't know that a local pizza place gave free breadsticks with a large pizza. My Dad had been eating them on the way home with the pizza... for 10 years.

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u/rognabologna 7d ago

My BIL accidentally outed himself to my sister recently when, while watching his diet, he proudly told her that he didn’t even get a “Car McChicken” when he was picking up McDonald’s. Then he had to explain that a car mcchicken is the extra sandwich he sneaks on his way home with the rest of the food.

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u/piratius 7d ago

I will admit to a car donut on occasion! Go to pick up a half dozen, usually ask for one in a separate bag that I eat in silent bliss before coming back.

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u/ImmaZoni 7d ago

you gotta get a baker's dozen... it has 13 donuts (or 12 if you ask the people I'm buying donuts for)

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u/BRAX7ON 7d ago

And you get it with no bag no napkin no witnesses

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u/person_8688 7d ago

“I don't need a receipt for the doughnut. I'll just give you the money, and you give me the doughnut, end of transaction. We don't need to bring ink and paper into this.”

  • Mitch Hedberg
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u/bpoppygirl 7d ago

I always get an extra thing of fries. These are my "car fries"

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u/Top-Ad6409 8d ago Silver Helpful

Uhh, ever hear of a delivery fee?!

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u/Mr2-1782Man 7d ago

Damn straight. Whenever people from work sent me to get food they always got a bit less fries. That's my fee.

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u/SantasDead 7d ago

I was the errand boy at a car delearship many moons ago and the sales guys were all assholes. But they were afraid to leave the lot to get lunch and miss a sale. So they would give me money to go get their lunch. The rule was they buy me lunch and I keep the change. That was a profitable gig for 19yr old me.

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u/Deyvicous 7d ago

And so doordash was conceived from that very moment.

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u/aehanken 7d ago

I told my boyfriend he needs to order his own fries. He didn’t. I stopped sharing. He didn’t learn the first 3 times and now he gets his own

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u/fishnjim 7d ago

Same w my wife. When we order I’d ask if she wanted fries and she always said no, then she would eat half of mine. I stopped asking and now I just get her a small order.

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u/Royally-Forked-Up 7d ago

A restaurant we frequent has a “my girlfriend isn’t hungry option” on their menu, which doubles your fries.

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u/id_death 7d ago

All I'm reading is that your dad was the sole person to pick up a pizza in the house for ten years.

Sounds like a convenience fee to me.

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u/Paper-Great 7d ago

To be fair, the place was on his way home from work. But as I maybe occasionally benefited from the family secret when he picked me up from school... completely agree with the fee.

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u/AVonDingus 8d ago

Your dad is my kinda dude!

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u/digitalsmear 8d ago

That's hilarious! xD

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u/Cyrus-with-the-Virus 7d ago

Not food related but.. my wife and I started playing Animal Crossing New Horizons on our one Nintendo Switch. I would get up at 6am for work and do my daily tasks. Hunt down fossils, plant a money tree, get my bottle from the beach.

Fast forward three months. My wife digs up her first fossil. Excited as shit, she comes up to me and asks what to do with the fossil (it's her first Animal Crossing game).

She has her own Switch and her own island now.

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u/moneybags729 8d ago

Lmao this is such a legitimate marriage dispute it's ridiculous. I've been married since 2010 and my wife wouldn't be thrilled about something like this either.

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u/akaioi 8d ago

The worst part is explaining this to the marriage counselor without both spouses melting from embarrassment...

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u/EmotionalKirby 8d ago Wholesome

but during that melting process, they rediscover their love for each other and renew their vows

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u/LOTRfreak101 8d ago

Is this a christmas hallmark movie?

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u/PokerJunkieKK 8d ago

Only if the white-bearded marriage counselor turns out to be the real Santa.

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u/PrisonerV 8d ago

I'll go get the troubled kid from her previous marriage (she's a widow) and a reindeer apparently.

Somebody find the snow machine!

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u/ATXBeermaker 8d ago

The beauty is that it’s a legitimate marriage dispute between two people that should definitely be married to each other.

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u/grubas 8d ago

Yuuuup.

This is like how my wife didn't realize we got low sodium soy sauce(green kikkoman), even though she does the food shopping. I use it and she just learned to buy the green one. So we order sushi, "oh they gave us soy sauce" "oh yeah but those tend to be a bit much, I don't like the full sodium"

"WE USE LOW SODIUM SOY SAUCE?!?! WHAT THE FUCK?!?!"

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u/docc2183 8d ago

You have deprived me of all this salt? HOW FUCKING DARE YOU?!?!?

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u/biscuitboi967 8d ago

My mom didn’t eat cheese. If something remotely smelled cheesey, she’d refuse it. But there were some things she couldn’t be sure of. One was this garlic bread at an Italian place we always went. Every time she’d ask my dad if it had cheese. It was so good, he’d tell her it did. Boom. Double garlic bread for him. To be fair, it did have a slight tang to it, so maybe there was a bit, but he never wavered from his stance that it was chock full of cheese, and she wasn’t gonna take the chance.

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u/bearbarebere 8d ago

OP tomorrow: AITA for lying about skittles? My wife kicked me out. Help.

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u/TinktheChi 8d ago

She's even eating the orange ones out of spite.

You're both hilarious. You've got a great union.

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u/eeymontt 8d ago

Plot twist: OP was actually looking for a way to get out of eating the orange ones so decided to sacrifice the green ones.

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u/Presently_Absent 8d ago

That's called 4D chess right there

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u/HashMaster9000 7d ago

He's streets ahead.

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u/Tiduszk 7d ago

She's even eating the orange ones out of spite

For the next 13 years I bet

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u/Broken_Exponentially 8d ago

yea, I legit lost it at "spite eating my favorites"

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u/whatsthelatestnow 7d ago

I can just imagine the look of satisfaction on her face as she bit their orange little heads off too 😂

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u/cflatjazz 7d ago

This is exactly the level of pettiness you love to see.

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u/tomdrinkswhiskey 8d ago Platinum Helpful Wholesome

Wait until she finds out the green skittles are green apple.

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u/Moocow870 8d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome Table Slap

Lol, I haven’t brought that up yet. She doesn’t know about those either.

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u/thelonerangers69 8d ago

She's gonna read everything now

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u/AbsolutelyUnlikely 8d ago Bravo Grande!

OP is going to be the first person to lose everything in a divorce on the grounds of aggravated candy deception.

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u/trixtopherduke 8d ago

I'd hate to be on that jury!

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u/MoreCowbellPlease 8d ago

What if they offered free samples of the evidence?

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u/MuffytheBananaSlayer 8d ago Silver Gold Helpful

The lies continue…

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u/Shitscomplicated 8d ago Wholesome

The plot thickens

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u/Resurrected5YearOld 8d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome

The pudding sets

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u/Merks31 8d ago Silver Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote

The green apples

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u/thekindlyhardship 8d ago

The red apples

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u/theLPguy 8d ago

The weird kinda yellow kinda red apples

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u/bigbuzz55 8d ago

The golden delicious

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u/4ever_lost 8d ago

The car goes vroom

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u/DaddyBeanDaddyBean 8d ago

Cow says moo.

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u/voiduniverse 8d ago

What does the fox say?

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u/ComprehensiveMark784 8d ago

The wrong kid died

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u/Expendable2010 8d ago

This is an elite reference. You don’t want no part of this.

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u/IsabellaBellaBell 8d ago edited 8d ago Silver Gold Wholesome Bravo!

Here’s what you gotta do. Tell her you need to “talk”, then have a super serious sit down. With a straight face, let her know something been weighing on you heavily for years, and you can’t live with it anymore. Really stress the inner torture of it all. Just when you think she can’t stand the suspense for another minute, present her with a pack of Skittles and tell her the green ones are actually green apple.

Then report back to us and let us know how it went.

Edit: I’m reading now they switched back to lime.

So here’s what you gotta do. Find a pack that still has green apple, do whatever it takes to get your hands on one, no matter the cost. Follow through with plan A (see above). Then you burn her twice because the next time she buys herself some Skittles she’ll eat the lime ones thinking they’re green apple and be thoroughly disgusted.

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u/ryalanzi 8d ago

Hol' up!! Skittles switched back to Lime?? 2021 wasn't entirely a shit show then. (I'm gonna go Google now, but this just made me really excited.)

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u/PubliusVA 8d ago

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u/mm172 8d ago Helpful

I just yelled the news to my husband, and totally forgot about his no-sugar diet in my excitement. Marriages getting ruined all over the place tonight.

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u/Inevitable-Newt-4743 8d ago Silver Wholesome

So, you single yet?

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u/NaughtyNome 7d ago

"New flavor lime apple" url is misleading and I'm disappointed

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u/3mpress 8d ago

ITS TRUE AND I'M SO HAPPY. I legitimately have been texting all my friends for the last 10 minutes since I found out ahahaha.

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u/radicalsnuglife 8d ago

This brings me more joy than it should.

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u/THE_CHOPPA 8d ago

This is genius. I might add don’t stretch it out all day. It will just stress her out needlessly. Wait until a lazy Sunday when she is In bed or something and bring her to the kitchen table.

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u/IsabellaBellaBell 8d ago

No, certainly don’t stretch it out all day. Just keep it to a few minutes during the super-serious sit-down chat. It would be too hard to keep a straight face for longer than that.

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u/mark55 8d ago

This is the right move. My girl would get hella anxious - but that's probably because i'd sell it like my life depended on it, as a guy whose main artistic outlet is actor - I wouldn't pull any stops.

Never forget to tease your lady. Words to live by.

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u/generic_username404 8d ago

Trivia: I think you mean you'd "pull all the stops".

It comes from pipe organs where you pull out knobs (aka stops) next to the keyboards to add effects/tones/volume (can't remember exactly).

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u/[deleted] 8d ago

[deleted]

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u/malleus10 8d ago

Since we’re doing corrections, it’s actually “pull OUT all the stops.”

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u/wolfofone 8d ago

On this episode of forensic files....

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u/Shadow703793 8d ago

April 1st is a few months away. Would be something hilarious to do for April Fools.

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u/DeffreyJarthurAvis 8d ago

The green switched back to lime in October!

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u/CaptainDunkaroo 8d ago

Wait are you serious? I have been avoiding Skittles because the green apple taste just didn't fit with the rest. Lime was my favorite.

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u/TheRiddleOfFeels 8d ago

Keep that one going for a few more years so you can do a follow up Reddit post when that bomb drops!

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u/fizzy_the_dragon 8d ago

Skittles lead to ugly divorce, you won't believe what happened next.

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u/Lunavixen15 8d ago

I'll be expecting an update or new TIFU thread from you soon

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u/dickbox2 8d ago

Don’t worry, skittles is going back to lime in the original packs. You should be good soon

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u/creative_usr_name 8d ago

I bet she'll see the new packaging/ads and that's how she finds out.

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u/jlenko 8d ago

Didn't they recently switch back to Lime? My wife hates the green apple and was happy to get Lime ones every chance she could.

At least, they did in Canada.

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u/fbkris14 8d ago

I don't like the green apple either! #bringbacklime

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u/LiliVonShtupp69 8d ago

As someone who loves lime and hates green apple with a passion I felt so cheated when I ate my first bag of Skittles.

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u/DrunkLastKnight 8d ago

Lime has recently come back into the mix

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u/ugghface 8d ago

They changed it back recently! The lime is such an improvement. A huge wrong has been made right

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u/Bluesparc 8d ago

This is gold. I hope you can both share a laugh on it soon. Might take some time though hahaha

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u/Moocow870 8d ago edited 8d ago Helpful Wholesome

We laugh on a daily basis. We love to have our fun arguments. She just couldn’t believe I kept this from her for so long. Lol.

Edit: spelling

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u/Globalist_Nationlist 8d ago

You monster

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u/ccx941 8d ago Helpful

Since it’s food isn’t OP a nomster?

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u/Cpt_Brandie 8d ago

Come on, he was only taking the bear minimum...

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u/OneObi 8d ago

OP been playing the long game!

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u/EdiblePolys 8d ago

Penn and Teller would be proud. This is a prank, not a TIFU. lol

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u/pinecone_parang 8d ago

OP makes Godzilla look as harmless as a kitten.

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u/ampma 8d ago

As someone who recently separated after 15 years I can assure you; there are significantly worse things to lie about lol.

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u/Jealous-Wife 8d ago

This is fan fucking tastic.

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u/pentasyllabic5 8d ago

Oh to have been a fly on that wall watching the look.

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u/hailelmo 8d ago Helpful

Dude I hear about guys that cheat on their wives but what you did.... Only god can save you now

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u/ToesInHiding 8d ago

I don’t know if that even gonna be enough. Hell hath no fury like a woman scorned out of candy

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u/hokiehistorynerd 8d ago

Eating the orange out of spite is 100% what I would do. That’s hilarious.

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u/slayalldayyyy 8d ago

I honestly just think it’s really cute that you guys eat candy with such frequency over 13 years that this is even an issue. That’s cute as fuck. Wish I had someone to give the greens to (I hoard the red and yellows).

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u/kimpree 7d ago

I eat candy with my husband... we wait until the kids are asleep and eat in our room 😅😅

After 16 years I still get all the banana runts😆

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u/slayalldayyyy 7d ago

Awww I love the banana runts!!!!!

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u/imfamousoz 8d ago Wholesome

My husband and I have been together for almost 8 years now. Up until last year, we had shared Oreos a certain way. I don't like the middle but I like the cookie. He said he liked doubles, so we would always twist our cookies apart and swap a piece. Win-win, it was a whole thing, and it turns out he has been making himself eat double stuffed Oreos for years because he ALSO only likes the cookie but he didn't want to deprive me. You did, like, the opposite and it's adorably hilarious. Y'all will be laughing about this not too far down the road.

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u/athrowingway 8d ago edited 7d ago

As a fellow Oreo-stuffing hater, the NABISCO Famous Amos chocolate wafers taste like the cookie part of Oreos. And there’s not a smudge of icing in sight! I’ve never eaten an Oreo since discovering this.

Edit: as u/RiotDemon pointed out, they’re just “Famous” chocolate wafers. I mixed and matched a couple cookie names. You’re looking for the yellow box with the plastic wrap!

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u/Saquon 7d ago

And you can make an icebox cake with them !

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u/jakiii7 8d ago

This is so wholesome.

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago Silver Platinum Helpful Wholesome All-Seeing Upvote Coin Gift Take My Energy LOVE! Starry Ally Heartwarming Pot o' Coins Timeless Beauty Bless Up (Pro)

The wife here. We even got some Christmas ones that were all green and red for our kids’ stockings and I said, “Hey! They didn’t make the green ones lime in these! They should always do that.” He didn’t say a word. We have two kids and matching tattoos, so I guess we will just have to work through this.

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u/Moocow870 8d ago Helpful Wholesome Heartwarming

Lol. Love you!

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u/debaser64 8d ago

And on her cake day!? You monster!

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u/TheGamecock 8d ago edited 8d ago Wholesome

Hahah, this was great. It reminded me of a trick I used to play on an ex girlfriend.

I almost always drove us around while she rode in the passenger seat. Whenever we'd be stopped at a red light, I'd keep an eye over at the other light that was perpendicular to mine at the intersection. Without making it obvious, I would watch out the corner of my eye and wait for the other light to go from yellow to red, then after a second or two, I'd snap my fingers and my light would pretty much instantly turn green (obviously, since the lights are on timers). This legitimately dumbfounded and mystified my GF. She was always amazed and somehow didn't realize the secret to my traffic light clairvoyancy. Finally, after two years of dating and countless rides in my car, I guess I wasn't being slick enough and she noticed I glanced at the other light at an intersection we were stopped at and she shouted "OH MY GOD, WAIT, ARE YOU JUST LOOKING FOR WHEN THE OTHER LIGHT TURNS RED AND THEN SNAPPING YOUR FINGERS?!?!?"

The cat was out of the bag and she refused to talk to me for the rest of the ride and part of dinner, hahah.

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u/BasenjiFart 8d ago

That's a hilarious story!

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u/brcguy 8d ago

My parents made us blow out red lights when we were little, they'd do the same trick of watching the other lights and tell us when to blow. My kid figured out the game at three years old. Your ex GF was hella dumb lol.

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u/TheGamecock 8d ago

She was actually extremely book smart, just a little ditzy and naïve to those kinda things. I also didn't do this trick at every red light or even very often at all. Maybe once or twice every few times she would ride with me. Or when she demanded to see me "try to guess the next light," haha.

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u/gooderusername12 7d ago

Quite a literal example of lacking street smarts

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u/GeorgiaLovesTrees 8d ago

I spilled the skittles...

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u/IIIMephistoIII 8d ago

This is too funny! I don’t think I could hold my laughter or smile after hearing “they should always do that”

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u/Kaiser93 8d ago

Ma'am, your marriage looks solid. But I do hope you can overcome that "betrayal" from your husband.

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u/jamela111 8d ago

I’m always amazed when couples actually know each other’s reddit handles. You guys are the real deal

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u/Andrakisjl 7d ago

Wife knows mine, she didn’t used to have an account herself, she would just lurk on r/duggarsnark. She made an account just to upvote me when I’m being controversial 😂

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u/GeorgiaLovesTrees 8d ago

This was such a wholesome read and I am glad you guys are being good sports about this! But... you do know about the green skittles being green apple for a while, right? They are lime now but only in the past year.

That said, those citric flavors aren't the same across all candy platforms. Sometimes they use real citrus as a flavor vs artificial, and vice versa. That completely changes the flavor profile, sometimes for the better.

Damn... I want some Haribo Gummy bears now.

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u/Dmau27 8d ago

He is lying about the green skittles too! He knows how to make the bed AND he also can absolutely cook with out burning dinner. Sorry OP it's all out in the open.

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago

He actually does make the bed usually, he just doesn’t put any pillows back on it. 😏

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u/Dmau27 8d ago

I'm only kidding, I'm sure he's a great husband outside of his candy deceit.

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago

He actually is. I’m a giant mess and he’s managed to put up with me so…

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u/OriginalUsername1737 8d ago

he’s managed to put up with me

Getting all of the good candy probably helps.

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago

Ya know what? You make a very good point.

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u/Dmau27 8d ago

Hey, if you both love each others goofy flaws and goodness alike you are meant to be and you're both lucky to have one another. Share your candies and live happily ever after.

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u/kokuryuha34 8d ago

I like how reddit just took the bus and reversed over OP with all the green candies in it.

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u/radioactivegummygirl 8d ago

Y'all a bunch of snitches (y'all good peoples).

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u/kimpree 7d ago

This some shit my husband and I do.

I love cinnamon and he hates it, so he gives me jelly belly's he thinks are cinnamon... but he's also colorblind.

So sometimes he hands me jelly belly that are cherry, or Dr pepper and I give them back because I, unlike him can see color on the beans. Other times I give him cinnamon when I wanna mess with him.

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u/seriouslyjan 8d ago

This is genius! I love this good comradery in marriage. This is the good stuff that you look back on and laugh. 46 years and still loving the trip. Congrats to you both.

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u/Pun-kachu 8d ago

Did you see the comment where he’s openly admitting to hiding the green apple skittles from you as well? 😏

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago

I actually found out about those maybe six months ago, but I don’t like them either. But thanks for the solidarity!

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u/Arrow_Riddari 8d ago

Happy cake day ma’am! Hope everything goes well!

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago

Thank you! :)

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u/S2Charlie 8d ago

Told my daughter that the pink starburst are liquorice flavored 😳

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u/MorganAndMerlin 8d ago

This is how you end up “that one guy” in college who says something off the wall bizarre like “the pink starbursts are licorice flavored” and then everyone stops to stare at them like, the fuck

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u/Moocow870 8d ago

That’s so wrong… Lol. But I can’t think of a better way to keep the kiddos away from the pink ones.

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u/Eagle4317 8d ago

Strawberry Starburst are by far the best.

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u/slackmandu 8d ago

I told my kids that when the ice cream truck plays music it's to signal they are out of ice cream.

Meet you in hell.

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u/oOshwiggity 8d ago

When I was three I ran into the road chasing the ice cream truck. I got in so much trouble that it took years, YEARS, for me to positively respond to ice cream trucks after that. But I didn't run into the road chasing ice cream trucks anymore. Cats, dogs, balls, rainbows, though...

How am I still alive?

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u/Platypus211 8d ago

When my kid heard an ice cream truck drive by the park for the first time, she asked what that sound was and I told her it was a music truck. Just a random truck that would drive around and play music for kids at parks. She was all, "Oh that's so nice of them!"

I was mostly just curious how long I could keep that going for before she noticed that the arrival of the "music truck" coincided with other kids suddenly wandering around with ice cream. Basically, little kids are hilariously gullible.

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u/Starumlunsta 8d ago edited 7d ago

Be wary if she ever DOES start giving you gummy bears again.

There’s a sugar free version, and you need only look at the Amazon reviews to understand that she isn’t giving you those gummy bears because she forgave you.

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u/Light_Speed58 8d ago

NTA - Get a divorce lawyer now. Big red flags. 🚩🚩🚩 Your wife needs to read labels. Think of what she might feed you without reading the label. She might poison you. Get out now!!! /s

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u/Dahlinluv 8d ago

I disagree. Def YTA because he’s been committing culinary infidelity

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u/Ferociouspanda 8d ago

ESH. You should have been honest with your wife, but she has optical stems and, I presume, the ability to read in the English language.

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u/Thassodar 8d ago

but she has optical stems

You'd think that but she did marry OP after all...

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u/PineapplePizzaAlways 8d ago

He's been cheating on her with the funny bears?

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u/bankrobba 8d ago

Lawyer up. Hit the gym. Work off that gummie bear fat.

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u/finetobacconyc 8d ago

Thank you so much for this comment

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u/caffeineaddict17 8d ago Wholesome

Before mine and my husband's wedding, all the women in both families wrote out their favorite recipe and put it in a box for me.

Seven years later, my husband was looking for something sweet. He remarked that he wished he could have some of his grandmother's chocolate cake. So naturally I said, "I have the recipe, I can make it for you." The look of utter betrayal on his face was astounding. He could not believe that in seven years of marriage I never once made it, or even let him know I had the recipe. My response was, you never asked. He was wounded a second time, right to the heart.

That was a decade ago and I haven't lived it down yet.

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u/hunterkillerwife 8d ago

When we got married, he said that he'd like some pancakes. I whipped up a traditional pancake recipe with sour cream. He said it was great, but not like his mom made. It became my mission to find pancakes like his mom made. It should be noted, his mother is a terrible cook.

For 3 years I tried every pancake recipe I could find. It was incredible the lengths that I went to to find new ones, translate them into english, I tried everything.

Finally, I asked Mom for her pancake recipe. She laughed, and told me you just add water to bisquick. I told her it wasn't funny, I was really struggling, and I needed to know. She sat me down, and very clearly explained she's never made anything from scratch in her life. When he wants something like Mom made, I need to find a box and add water to it.

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u/caffeineaddict17 8d ago

Oh man, I could see where that was going from the start... did you make his bisquik pancakes?!

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u/hunterkillerwife 7d ago

I did once. When I went out of town for a few months though, he bought a 7 kg bag from costco, and pretty much only ate that while I was gone.

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u/bananafor 7d ago

What! You told him the secret recipe!

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u/frogsinsox 7d ago

Why didn’t you ask her for the recipe from the beginning?

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u/hunterkillerwife 7d ago

Stupid pride of being a 20 something.

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u/purelyirrelephant 8d ago

You still made the cake, right??

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u/caffeineaddict17 8d ago

Haha, indeed I did!

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u/CecilleBiNight 8d ago

She’ll never trust you again on any food flavoring

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u/FxHVivious 8d ago

You're making me do this. I'm not even enjoying these... glares spitefully as biting off the head of an innocent orange gummy bear

-OPs wife probably

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u/thebookwasbetter13 8d ago

No no. I swallowed them without even chewing so I wouldn’t accidentally taste them while maintaining eye contact.

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u/itsthefazz 8d ago

This is actually an adorable story

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u/129West81stSt 8d ago

Me reading the post title: this is one of those posts isn’t it

Me reading the post: no, this is way better

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u/WhitDawg214 8d ago

There is no coming back from this. And from now on you have to sit quietly when she tells of this betrayal to family and friends. In other words, you get to 'Eat The Brown Rainbow'.

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u/Ninnymuggin137 8d ago

This has got to be one of my favorite tifu’s ever. If I had an award to give, I would! 😆

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u/Gt69aus 8d ago

I remember a story many years ago.

A man said he didn't like some chocolate (It was some form of chocolate in one of those assorted packs I beleive) because he knew his wife loved them, so he would always deny himself for her benefit.

Turns out years later he admitted he loved them, and she infact actually didn't like them at all, she ate them because he said he didn't like them.

It's a cute story

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u/Jlpvt 8d ago

I just wanna let you know, I’ve been having a pretty shit day. This story made me laugh really hard and I appreciate you sharing it.

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u/DillyJ123 7d ago

TIFU by lying to my wife for 13 years… TIFU by lying to my wife for 13 years…

My wife hates orange and lime flavored candies. I love them. Well, love the orange, like the lime.

So, she passes on the orange starburst to me. She passes the orange and green skittles to me. She passes the orange and green gummy bears to me. This has been happening for 13 years.

What she doesn’t know is that the green Haribo gummy bears are actually strawberry.

Shortly after we married, for one reason or another, I looked at the back of the Haribo gummy bears package and discovered this.

So I haven’t said anything for 13 years. Every time we get gummy bears, she gives me the orange and green (strawberry). I’ve never said a word. I’ve enjoyed eating my little lies.

Until last night…

We had some gummy bears and she opened them and she started to hand me the orange and green ones. But after a few minutes, I saw her looking at the back of the bag. Then I saw her eyes get REAL BIG.

She turned to me and asked if I’ve known that the green bears were strawberry. She always thought they were lime.

I was honest and nodded my head yes. The look of betrayal was unreal…. She asked how long I’ve known, and I was honest. I told her as long as we’ve been married.

She quit giving me the gummy bears she didn’t like. She was even eating the orange ones out of spite.

I don’t think I’ll get any more gummy bear discards after this. Time to buy my own.

TL;DR I never corrected my wife by telling her she gave me strawberry gummy bears. She thought they were lime. Now she knows and is spite eating my favorites.

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u/deeare73 8d ago

TIL green gummy bears are strawberry

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u/onesweetsheep 8d ago

I could have sworn they were apple! Time to buy some haribos tomorrow

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u/leekdonut 8d ago

Depending on where you live, they might come with six flavors instead of five and in that case, green is indeed apple.

It's either

1) green = apple, dark red = raspberry, light red = strawberry or

2) green = strawberry, red = raspberry and apple doesn't exist

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u/LegalHelpNeeded3 8d ago

What a terrible existence to not have green apple Haribo. Sad.

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u/BfN_Turin 8d ago edited 8d ago

They are not anymore, haven’t been in over a decade. Green is apple since 2007. Strawberry is light red. Edit: Nvm this apparently depends on the country. In the US green is still strawberry and light red does not exist.

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u/DirtyDeedsDunderKeep 8d ago

She quit giving me the gummy bears she didn’t like. She was even eating the orange ones out of spite.

That's marriage, right there.

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u/itsdtx 8d ago

So innocent but yet so evil. 🥰

In my language there is an actual word for this, it's called preknop.

I'll try to explain it.

It's a small self inflicted understanding (your wifes projection on the coloured candy) that was hidden by another conversant person (you) while being all together upscale by prolonged time itself.

It has to have three variables. 1.A small innocent misunderstanding 2. One oblivious person and one conversant (that's quite about the matter) 3. Long time passed.

So today you fucked up by preknoping your wife.

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u/baldinbaltimore 8d ago

This is the best thread!

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u/SushiThief 8d ago

She was even eating the orange ones out of spite.

Okay, that's just cute.

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u/slackmandu 8d ago

YTA She should divorce you! /s

Sorry, forgot which subreddit I was in.

This is a great TIFU. Playing the long con.

My hat's off to you.

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u/revengeOftheNith 8d ago

Im actually dying hahahaha this is brilliant!

Id be guilty of this too ngl haha

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u/Earthling_7 8d ago

Hope your marriage can survive this devastation! I’m praying for you guy’s 🙏🏽😂

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u/SonOfTK421 8d ago

The most wholesome fuckup I’ve ever heard.

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u/RichieRicch 8d ago

The long con. Love to see it, well done.